City shock! Broker is tops in our stock-pick contest...

They are: Stockbroker 3: Stock market 1. Harry the Hedge Fund 1: Lisa the LapDancer 0. Whiskers the Cat 2: Mickey the Mattress 0.

The news that a stockbroker won a stock-tipping competition will send shock waves through the City. All the supposed clever money was on the cat or the mattress, based on past (bitter) experience. So credit where it is due. Jeremy Batstone-Carr of Charles Stanley was brave enough to take up the challenge when few others would.

He should now put in for an immediate pay rise.

Charles Stanley are good sports since they were on a hiding to nothing had things not gone their way. The firm represents the decent, likeable end of the City.

Taking his victory lap, Batstone-Carr (he was to forfeit a surname had he come bottom) says: "Stockbroker wins share tipping competition is hardly a headline to set the world on fire, but perhaps it should. The City and many of its denizens have covered themselves in little glory (but much champagne) over the past four years, but there are corners of the forest that still work as diligently as possible to add value and deliver superior returns for investors.

"A three-month contest, starting in mid-November, against as uncertain a backdrop as one could imagine, was always likely to make this sprint a far from foregone conclusion, particularly against such a diverse and competitive field. We are pleased to have delivered returns in excess of the FTSE 100 Index from all our selections.

"Against a backdrop of considerable uncertainty, we opted to pick a range of larger company stocks on the basis of their reliability and scope
to generate positive total return (share-price appreciation and dividend income).

He adds: "We opted for the sort of stocks that many investors might hold in their portfolios, rather than take too many risks. As it turned
out, market activity actually favoured the more risky and bombed-out sectors as the competition drew to a close, in the context of which our overall performance was extremely satisfying."

As for the rest, the cat can purr with some satisfaction. His austerity tips did all right.

But he is not taking his defeat well. He says without the European Central Bank's QE programme injecting Viagra into the stock market, his selections would have won by a mile. In other words, had it not been for things he did not foresee, his predictions would have been correct. He's perfect for a job at Merrill Lynch.

Harry Hedge Fund's portfolio recovered dramatically in the last few weeks. For most of the time he was well under water. As we've said before, he prefers to hold stocks for less than three minutes, so three months was always a bit out of his remit.

As for Lisa, well she's already quit the City once in favour of something more lucrative. She's sticking to the night job.

Mickey's returns show that cash isn't always a safe haven. Sometimes, as City traders would say, you have to risk it for the biscuit.