Well, I'll be Damed

 Add your view

Femmes noir: Dame Judi Dench and Dame Helen Mirren photographed for a fictional film celebrating the art of Hollywood's old ganster movies

Look here too

• Dames leading the British hopes for Oscar night glory
• Dame Judi at her best

So there were these two dames in a car. One of them, well, she looks like the Queen and has got a leather trenchcoat and a slouch hat over one eye and is driving this car with a big steering wheel, like it was an old Studebaker from The Big Sleep or something.

The other, she has got a real mean expression on her, like the one that broad in the James Bond pictures always gives 007.

From the look on their faces, it wouldn't take a private dick to guess that these dames are up to no good.

Did I say Dames? That's right - it is Dame Judi Dench and Dame Helen Mirren in a still from that classic movie... er ... well, actually not from a film that anyone has ever heard of.

Instead, it is from Vanity Fair magazine's Hollywood issue, which celebrates Tinseltown with a mock-up of the ultimate film noir.

Entitled Killers Kill, Dead Men Die, the fantasy movie has the sort of cast list that would make the average studio boss think he had died and gone to celluloid heaven.

Apart from Ben Affleck as The Shamus and Robert de Niro as The Racketeer, it includes Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Alba, Alec Baldwin, Sharon Stone and Jack Nicholson as The Killer.

The stills - shot by Annie Leibovitz in collaboration with Oscar-winning cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond and Vanity Fair's fashion and style director Michael Roberts - are a tribute to movies from the Forties and Fifties such as Double Indemnity and The Postman Always Rings Twice.

Mr Roberts said: "I threw in every cliché I could remember."

As well as Dame Judi, 72, and Dame Helen, 61, the shoot features a clutch of nominees for this year's Oscars, including Penelope Cruz, Forest Whitaker, Kate Winslet, Peter O'Toole and Jennifer Hudson.

Leibovitz said: "With a new cast and new set for virtually every shot, the project took on the scope of a real Hollywood film.

"It wasn't about each person being a star. It was about the profession, the craft of acting. It was about a community of actors.

"These people are the best at what they do and they brought the best out of each other. It was beautiful to see the relationships between them."

Zsigmond, who worked on modern films noirs including The Long Goodbye, The Two Jakes and The Black Dahlia, said: "For me, the most interesting movies are those that use a noir technique - a lot of hard light and shadows. Nearly all my movies are more about shadows than light - even the comedies."

For movie buffs only: did anyone spot the movie referenced in the picture above? It's Out Of The Past (1947), with Robert Mitchum and Virginia Huston.

• The latest issue of Vanity Fair is on sale from Friday.

 

What's on today   What's on tomorrow