Satsuma - review

Satsuma has actually been part of the Royal China Group since 1998 - this is the company's only Japanese outlet - but, following a spanking refurb, has now set out to be one of London's first specialist Japanese katsu curry restaurants.

At first we sat in our space invader capsule glowing at each other as a waitress with a headset took the order. Two of us opted to start with a bowl of salted edamame beans (£3.30) and a portion of miso aubergine (£4.80). The first was as expected - hot, salty and comforting - while the aubergine was lightly cooked in miso sauce, sweet tasting and very moreish.

Murmurings of "Okay, but bland" came from my neighbour as she tucked into her salmon teriyaki rice (£7.20), while the beef teriyaki option (£8.20), which was served in a neat pile in an earthenware bowl and made with sirloin steak, was described as "tender and good" by her boyfriend.

After this, things got worse. An assorted katsu platter (£16.80) turned out to be a "build your own katsu curry", a selection of meat and vegetables covered in breadcrumbs, deep-fried and served with a choice of three sauces.

It might have been fun save for the fact that the waitress brought us the wrong order three times and it was served lukewarm. And while the baby sweetcorn and a lone mushroom were juicy and succulent and actually looked like breaded vegetables, more disappointing was the soggy sweet potato and an unidentifiable, bitter-tasting fish, dehydrated chicken and a waterlogged scallop.

The sauces, which are supposed to be silky in texture, looked gloopy and unappetising and didn't taste any better.

Black sesame ice cream was plain vanilla flavoured with a few sprinkles of the seeds. Mango tempura, supposedly ice cream in batter with fruit, arrived in a leathery coating topped, bizarrely, with kidney beans.

"This is a gastronomic faux pas. I can't cut through it and I have to eat around the beans," cried Ed, while my boyfriend looked sadly at his chocolate tempura, bemoaning the "frugal" use of chocolate sauce and "flaccid texture".

In future I will stick to Yalla Yalla or Wagamama for Soho fast food. Satsuma might be very trendy but the food is pretty average.

Satsuma
56-58 Wardour Street, W1 4JG