Where to go for Mother's Day

I'd be barking instructions ("Don't sit down it's only two stops", "No, you cannot go home and change your blouse") and she would be looking increasingly nervous.

One Mother's Day, I kid you not, I arranged lunch in a sculpture garden on the Walworth Road, followed by a gallery in Kensington, then a play at the Young Vic and supper at a tapas bar.

Madness. Geographically and emotionally. Halfway through the day I lost it at Earl's Court Tube station. I couldn't work out how you got onto the other branch of the District line. My mother looked on bemused as I sat down and sobbed: "I just want you to have a good time!"

Things are calmer now. I'm still ambitious for her to have a good time but it involves doing a lot less.

Ask yourself a few basic questions. Do you want to spend the day in town? Will your mother be on her own? And then, most importantly: what does she love doing, not what you think she ought to love doing. Remember, mothers absolutely adore a tea with dainty sandwiches, scones, clotted cream and cake. So build the rest of the day around it.

Mothers who live outside of London can be tempted to get the earliest possible train (for Supersaver offers). Arranging afternoon tea means you meet them at a more civilised hour.

If your mother is London-based, she will be harder to impress because it's her city, too. Start with something lovely and swanky. Fortnum & Mason (181 Piccadilly, W1; 020 7734 8040) is catnip for mothers. You can shop, gossip over knickerbocker glories at the Ice Cream Bar or eat a sophisticated lunch in the refurbished Fountain restaurant.

Then nip over the road to Ladurée (71 Burlington Arcade, W1; 020 7491 9155) and buy her your body weight in macaroons.

Or if it's a very proper afternoon tea you want, Claridges (Brook Street, W1; 020 7629 8860) serves it in the Art Deco foyer (reservations essential). It'll set you back at least £30, but champagne is included.

At the Orangery in Kensington Gardens-W8 (020 7376 0239) you get to take tea and homemade cake in 18th-century splendour, and Mum can admire the hardy perennials on the way.

The Wallace Collection (Manchester Square, W1; 020 7563 9500) has a lovely conservatory-style dining room that serves an excellent afternoon tea.

And don't forget the Royal Academy of Arts restaurant (Burlington House, W1; 020 7300 8000). Mothers can take in the Russian exhibition. Or buy you some ludicrous "cats in art"ephemera from the gallery shop (only kidding Mum, loving the notelets).

Take groovy mothers to Carnaby Street (good for all those 1960s memories), then up to Yauatcha (15 Broadwick Street, W1; 020 7494 8888) which does an exquisite afternoon dim-sum and a tea list that takes the cake (it also sells colourful macaroons).

My own family is not one that talks about feelings easily, but sometimes the most exciting family insights come over afternoon tea. "Both your grandfather's sisters had to get married because they were pregnant. Can you pass the sugar?"

Mothers also love matinées. And this year you get to play an absolute blinder. Brief Encounter (The Cinema Haymarket, 63 Haymarket, SW1; 0871 230 1562) is the most magical production, from company Kneehigh.

The same place premiered Coward's film in 1946, and the interior has been transformed into a 1940s picture palace, with ushers serving champagne and cucumber sandwiches, so you get high tea thrown in.

Finally, after seeing your mother back to the station, your early night home will give you time to lie in a darkened room (gin in hand) chanting: "I really am a very good daughter/son."