The baby worth every pound
Zoe Jenny28 Jul 2010
The Swiss tabloids described it as “the fairy-tale wedding of the year”. St Moritz, July — the sun shone from a cloudless sky. The reception was held on a perfectly manicured lawn of a five-star hotel overlooking the glistening lake of Sils-Maria. The Alps in the backdrop were a picture-postcard. This was the most beautiful day of my life, though I also felt a dark cloud hovering. No one could have guessed that behind the smiles lay the painful truth that the chances of me becoming pregnant were as slim as a hurricane developing. My husband was 28, I was 35 and, for me at least, the clock was ticking. We had tried for several years without success and we knew we had to embark on IVF.
We'd had two failed IUI attempts, which had cost us £1,000 each. I had tried every alternative fertility treatment under the sun, from acupuncture to Chinese teas. I didn't smoke, ate five fruit and veg a day, didn't drink, exercised regularly — I led the health-conscious lifestyle every fertility expert would advocate.
Frustratingly, we didn't even know what was wrong — we'd been checked out and were a perfectly healthy couple. “There is absolutely no medical reason why you shouldn't get pregnant,” was the verdict of one doctor. Like so many couples nowadays, we were categorised with “unexplained infertility”. As many as 30 per cent of cases are classified so — it is surely one of the most frustrating terms. The diagnosis left us in disbelief. I sought a second opinion at a clinic in Switzerland. The doctor explained that after four years of trying the chances of conceiving were slim. She suggested I seek counselling to come to terms with the fact I would never have a child.
In an age where man can explore the depths of the ocean, no one could tell me why I couldn't conceive a child. Was this a cruel joke? All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind: maybe I'm doomed, maybe it's a test, maybe I'm being punished because I had an abortion when I was 23. Back then my first novel had just been published and my career had taken off. I wanted to go to New York and not be tied down. “This is payback time,” I thought, for having enjoyed life, for being selfish, for being a free spirit.
“It's all in your mind,” a close friend was convinced. “Just forget you want a baby!” She was right — the baby thing had become an obsession. I sought solace in my work, and my husband and I worked hard at convincing ourselves that life can be great without kids. But I couldn't fool myself — I would always long to be a mother and felt that I was missing out on the greatest adventure I could imagine. I was clinging to the hope that I would suddenly find myself pregnant. I was still trying the holistic approach. According to one self-professed “fertility expert” it was just my chakra that needed sorting. All I needed was a good detox.
I was so desperate I believed anything. It finally dawned on me that I was wasting my time, not to speak of the money. Month after month went by, then one close friend, who had vowed she never wanted children, announced she was pregnant. Her news hit me like a tsunami.
Struggling for air I uttered my congratulations, trying to conceal my raging jealousy. It wasn't fair! Unlike me, she hadn't tried, and she was 43. I was crushed.
We finally decided to go down the IVF route. It was the last resort, the last hope. We agreed we would rather not spend our time trying on the NHS, where the chances are a mere 30 per cent per cycle. If we were going to do this gruelling treatment, we would do it at the place with the highest success rate.
We went to a talk at the Royal Society of Medicine: Dr Mohamed Taranissi, talking about IVF regulation. We knew he was controversial, we had seen the papers — the maverick IVF doctor who played God and made millions. We went with an open mind — after all, his success rates were the highest in the country.
I liked his no-nonsense approach: the opposite of the aromatherapy-loving contingent. A proper doctor. A crisp white coat. Science. Facts. He claimed there was no such thing as “unexplained infertility”, only doctors who don't know better. It was probably that line that convinced me. This was refreshing.
We made a timetable and a budget. It would cost £15,000 for one cycle. It felt like I was taking on a full-time job. Suddenly every single minute of my life was dedicated to treatment. Every day I had to go for blood tests. The injected hormones played havoc with my moods. Every night I cried myself to sleep and often I would wake up covered in cold sweat. Soon the waiting room of the Assisted Reproduction & Gynaecology Centre at Upper Wimpole Street became my living room. I seemed to spend the whole summer there, waiting — for appointments, for results, to be told to come back later so I could wait again. It was also the place where stories were told and listened to in solidarity. The couple who came over especially from Dubai and moved into a hotel. The couple who downsized their house to pay for treatment. The woman who was on her third round, clinging to her last egg. The longing, pain and fear in the waiting room was almost unbearable. For many, Taranissi is their last hope — if he can't fix it, no one can.
What struck me most was the thoroughness with which the clinic operated. I got checked for things I didn't even know existed. Apparently I had a high count of natural killer cells — a common problem where the embryo is recognised as a foreign body and destroyed. Visualising the sperm swimming up the uterus — as I had learned in hypnotherapy (£80 an hour) — couldn't have fixed that; modern medicine did. I had to get IVIG infusions — a blood product administered intravenously — and take corticosteroids. It was meticulous — sometimes I injected myself at 2.30am on the dot. But perhaps this was what made all the difference.
Naomi Penelope is now five months old. Without a doubt she was meant to be all along. When I pick her up in the morning, she squeals in delight. I look at her in awe and I just don't know how I ever managed to live without her.
Zoe Jenny's latest novel is The Sky is Changing, Legend Press, £7.99.
Reader views (10)
Jeez! Totally forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS Zoe, your daughter is beautiful! And thanks for sharing your story!
- Nix, Paris France (ex-pat), 30/07/2010 17:11
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Sorry Nick but I'm going to have to disagree with you there. The ARGC takes on couples who've been written off by lesser clinics & gets them pregnant. No age limit either so that's not the reason for their excellent success rates. And don't worry, the HFEA has done everything in its power to change the way that results are presented in order to knock the ARGC off the top since the failure of a well orchestrated witch hunt vs Mr T. They haven't succeeded & the results speak for themselves. The ARGC is as successful as it is thanks to the dedication & hard work put in by Mr Taranissi and his team (esp the embryologists), the immune treatment (which is poo-poohed by many other "experts" & often the cause of what said experts refer to as "unexplained" infertility) & most importantly the daily monitoring (which along with the immune testing & treatment) is what bumps up the cost. But it is also what prevents cycles being cancelled. Also they're open 7/7/365, not many clinics can say that
And Ken I don't think the writer is trying to make anyone feel sorry for her, she is simply describing the totally horrendous guilt that infertile women are landed with. We're ALWAYS being told it was our own fault for some reason or another. And you don't know what she went through in deciding to have that abortion at the age of 23 so while I understand how easy it is for a man to pontificate on a situation in which he will NEVER find himself, I feel your comment was both unkind and unfair
- Nix, Paris, France (ex-pat), 30/07/2010 16:30
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My wife and I live with unexplained infertility and have have tried many different paths with no luck. To say the least we found this article disturbing. By her own admission, Zoe isn't infertile, she's selfish. She had a baby that she chose to abort for convenience. Your story proves that life is precious - even when it's inconvenient.
I'm glad you had a baby but please stop trying to make us feel sorry for you.
- Ken, London, 30/07/2010 08:38
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My wife and I live with unexplained infertility and have have tried many different paths with no luck. To say the least we found this article disturbing. By her own admission, Zoe isn't infertile, she's selfish. She had a baby that she chose to abort for convenience. Your story proves that life is precious - even when it's inconvenient.
Zoe - I'm glad you had a baby but please stop trying to make us feel sorry for you.
- Ken, London, 30/07/2010 08:33
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Once again, Homeopathy bashing by the press. Well said Andrea, not once did it mention this form of complimentary therapy.
Homeopathy worked for me when conventional medicine continued to make my IBS condition worst. Please publish articles accurately in the future.
- Tracey, London, 28/07/2010 21:59
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It's always wonderful to read an article where a woman has successfully had a child after years of fertility challenges.
However as the by-line of the story states she abandoned hope & 'homeopathy', I expected to hear that she had received homeopathic treatment in the article. Nowhere in the article is there any mention of it. I'm assuming that the Evening Standard was trying to join in the homeopathic hit squad along with the BMA.
For the record homeopathy has nothing to do with chakras nor hypnotherapy. Although I was skeptical about homeopathy at first, after being told I couldn't get pregnant by the medical profession & told IVF wouldn't work, I tried it. I'm now 3 months pregnant with my first child.
I think the point of this article should have been how IVF was able to grant her wish - to have a child. Perhaps complementary therapies didn't work for her - however they have been successful in many other cases. Indeed homeopathy has been documented as being successful in treating many illnesses effectively and gently in research conducted by the Bristol homeopathic hospital.
I think the point is to keep an open mind in regards to all treatments.
- Andrea, London, 28/07/2010 19:49
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Well said Maura, completely agree.
- Mark Browning, London, 28/07/2010 16:57
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Always good to hear of a success story, but there a quite a few misleading things here: success rates and league tables need to be treated very cautiously, and often clinics that appear at the top for one age group might not be top for another age group. Some clinics treat older women than others, which also affects outcomes. And "natural killer cells" are not considered mainstream science any more than the hyponotherapy or Chinese tea which are mentioned. Many fertility doctors, with excellent success rates, do not believe they play any role in infertility. So don't despair if you don't have £15,000. There are plenty of clinics where your chances will be as good and who won't charge nearly so much.
- Nick, London, 28/07/2010 16:53
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The world may not be interested,Miles,but a lot of childless couples are.Looking at the photograph of mum,dad and their enchanting daughter is a joy.I had children easily(long time ago)but the gift of having your own child is beyond compare.It's a shame you don't get that
- Maura Casey, London UK, 28/07/2010 16:37
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I'm sick to death of these stories . Nobody cares if a couple can conceive or not. How boring.Keep it to yourself, the world is not interested.
- Miles, London, 28/07/2010 16:14
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