Ever since shredding my left leg with a blunt disposable Bic aged 15 I have resisted the razor and more recently have not been tempted by flesh-burning lasers.
Summer demands careful juggling as you need a few millimetres regrowth but really don't want stubble poolside.
For me, three weeks and two days is about as long as I can stretch before slipping back into jeans or else burbling "I've been so busy I haven't had time to wax" to everyone in case they notice and think I've turned into a careless gruffalo.
A few years ago when girls (and boys) were consumed by who'd had a Brazilian and who'd had a Hollywood, I wrote a piece for Tatler about getting my body ready for the beach - Copacabana, to be specific - and for a very skimpy bikini.
This involved a session of severe strimming by Otilya Roberts, who is known as the queen of the Brazilian.
She splayed me on her table like a frog pinned for dissection in the Natural History Museum. A wooden spoon dripping with boiling wax was plastered between my legs before I could utter a word. And then it was too late. Afterwards I blushed looking at myself in the mirror.
All-off ain't sexy or pretty, just childlike and chilly - and itchy within days. Your hips look bigger and peeing becomes as misdirected as a drunk bloke's. Never again.
According to Daniella at Strip, my newly opened local salon (no excuse now), the demand for a full strip is less. It's more about flattering trimmed triangles these days.
In the flock wallpapered boudoir-like room lit by a chandelier, with thick velvet curtains, I climb into a paper G-string.
It's more dental floss than pant but I guess it provides some sort of modesty.
Twirling her spatula of purple lavender-scented wax - I was also offered chocolate or berry - Daniella says it shouldn't hurt or burn and "pain or fear is caused by bad or inexperienced waxing".
She recommends exfoliating the night before and popping a Nurofen if you are feeling flaky. I concentrate on Amy Winehouse singing on the flatscreen TV on the wall ahead and wonder if hers looks like a beehive.
Lavender oil or a light tea-tree lotion is calming for afterwards. A supermodel I know swears by nappy-rash Sudocreme to alleviate scratchy regrowth.
Daniella tells me about one of her regular male clients, a banker (apparently the rise in men going to waxing salons is notable), who comes in every three weeks for a full-body, including back, crack and sack. He sleeps for the entire three hours it takes to depilate his crevices. Cost? £300.
Despite the credit crunch, hot waxing isn't waning because it is considered a non-negotiable essential - who wants to look like Chewbacca?
I decide on a "bit more than simple bikini" which means off with the sides and a little above and below with overall trimming to prevent stray cockroach feelers peeping out. It's swift, discreet and painless, and I am soon off the deck and dressed.
Even though I have been doing this for years that feeling of smooth legs, clean underarms and a neat knicker line makes me feel svelte and seductive. I slither back into my jeans and can't wait to slink into a short dress for supper.
London's best strip joints
STRIP
Plush surroundings distract clients from the pain of waxing and you can choose from a selection of scented potions.
Cost: £22/bikini, £45/Brazilian.
Where: 102 Fulham Road, SW3 (020 7590 0050) and 112 Talbot Road, W11 (020 7727 2754), www.2strip.com.
COWSHED
Cowshed's Holland Park spa is apparently known as the "rural retreat in the city". Try a hot wax - containing chamomile, rose and titanium dioxide, brilliant for sensitive skin - and gossip with friends afterwards over a coffee in the Cowshed Kitchen.
Cost: £18/basic bikini, £45/Brazilian.
Where: 119 Portland Road, W11 (020 7078 1944, www.cowshedonline.com).
BLISS SPA
They claim to give you "the most painless Brazilian on the planet" using their low-temperature Poetic Wax.
Cost: £35/basic bikini, £55/Brazilian
Where: 60 Sloane Avenue, SW3 (020 7590 6146, www.blisslondon.co.uk).
BHARTI VYAS
Bharti's hot wax is spread on and whipped off repeatedly until all the hair is gone. Leaves no blistering or redness and ingrown hairs are practically unheard of.
Cost: £12/basic bikini, £25/Brazilian.
Where: 24 Chiltern Street, W1 (020 7935 5312, www.bharti-vyas.com).
OTYLIA ROBERTS
The UK's most renowned waxer, Otylia was the first person to introduce the Brazilian to the women of London. She hand-picks her waxing team and boasts a host of celebrity clients.
Cost: £22/bikini line, £30/ G-string, £49 Brazilian.
Where: 23 George Street, W1 (020 7486 5537, www.otyliaroberts.co.uk).
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