- My Account
- Logout
- Register
- Login
Pay a price for manual labour
24 January 2012
My friends and I are having our stitch-and-bitch session in my living room. We're safer here than at Octavia's flat where our last session was interrupted by her balaclava-clad boyfriend role-playing an ambush.
Annette, Harriet and I are busy letting loose the grandmothers within us and fixing the partied-to-shreds dresses in our arms.
But Octavia is huffing and puffing and flapping her right wrist. She stabs a sewing needle back into her pin cushion. "It's no good," she moans. "I can't sew with my RSSI."
Harriet and I raise our eyebrows in mutual confusion.
"I mean my repetitive sex strain injury," she sighs, spelling it out for us, and I almost gulp down a pin with laughter.
"Last night Robert was feeling lazy, so I had to do all the work for him," she explains. "My wrist paid for it quite a bit."
"God, you're dedicated," I say.
"Or subservient!" says Annette.
"Or destined for arthritis," says Harriet. "I'll do your sewing, you rest."
Octavia slinks off to my sofa and stretches along it, sulkily nursing her weary hand and wrist.
Next on the agenda is deciding whether to see The Artist or Shame at the cinema this weekend.
I vote for The Artist. I've heard it has a tap-dancing scene and I'm hoping for something Busby Berkeley-style.
Speaking of which, it's time to show the girls the design for the new Berkeley-inspired burlesque prop I'm having made.
I present it to the others with a big grin. I've been saving up for years for a huge stage prop and this is straight out of Berkeley's Fashions of 1934, which has a scene with beautiful women hanging from giant ornate harps.
"I'll be strapped to the front while a maestro plucks the strings and I strip off to reveal my gold-painted body," I say.
My friends hum their approval, still debating which film to see and only half paying attention.
I worry that I'm entertaining myself more than anyone else with my harp idea.
"At least you still have a future in burlesque," whines Octavia, bringing the focus back to herself. "How will I be able to perform with my hand like this?" She makes a claw with her hand and shakes it at us. "Just iron it out flat," Annette pipes up from the ironing board, and puffs some steam in Octavia's direction.
Comments
Top stories in Lifestyle
Top stories in Lifestyle
-
No end to Tube nightmare as commuters warned of MORE chaos tonight
-
Double dip recession is worse than feared as UK faces ‘hurricane’
-
They attacked "like a pack" raining fists on a defenceless legal secretary. Yesterday they walked free from court. No wonder their victim says she has been denied justice.
-
Mayor demands report from Transport for London into Jubilee Line nightmare that left hundreds of commuters trapped for hours underground
-
Author Will Self flees with his children after roof of £1million Georgian Stockwell townhouse collapses
The O2
Check out the cool stuff happening under our tent such as the hottest gigs, comedy, sport, films, clubs, bars, restaurants and much more.
Can you imagine a career in teaching?
Be inspired to teach - let real teachers show you how rewarding the job can be.
Playing a game-changing role during the Games
Cisco is providing the solutions for London 2012's complex IT needs.
Win a Silverstone track day with Zantac 75
Feel the burn of a different kind - 20 Silverstone motoring experiences to be won
Reader Offers email A fantastic selection of
offers, giveaways and
promotions.
Cannes Film Festival - in pictures
Biggest ever image of the Queen, and she also appears made out of stamps, cheese and BEER
Man v Woman v Food: the big burger challenge
New kids from the Bloc: new wave of Russians settling in London
London drug dealer pictured himself with bags of cannabis and wearing crown of £20 notes
BarChick: Janet's Bar