My husband recently found his first girlfriend on Facebook and wants to meet her. Should I let him?

Oh, for the good old days, when ex-girlfriends and boyfriends were almost impossible to track down.

Who knows where they live now? A strange person answers their old landline number, which you still know off by heart.

To find them would probably involve a private detective and dental records.

And, as a nice police officer told me the other day while he cautioned me for loitering, the authorities really don't look kindly on that kind of thing.

But then came "Googling" people and then Friends Reunited and then Facebook. And now it's all gone to hell.

Your exes and your partner's exes are all out there, gathered on the web, waiting to be virtually bumped into, messaged, befriended and poked.

It all seems so innocent. It's only little Jessica Meade from 4G! How can you be jealous of Alex Redpath from 5M?

Could any of these people, frozen for ever at 13 or 18, really be a threat to your very grown-up relationship?

The answer is, of course, YES - as evidenced by the stampede of people leaving their spouses for their first crushes. It's the nostalgia.

Even if you hated school and cried in the loos every single day, you probably look back on that time with a degree of wonky affection - if only because you feel that if you could replay your relationships with them now, something might be different and better.

Your husband isn't definitely going to run off with this woman; he just wants to flirt and pretend that he's carefree and 18 again.

Men, above all, crave the occasional illusion of freedom, if not actual bachelorhood itself.

But your husband shouldn't go and see this woman by himself any more than he should go and see any woman who isn't a relative or a close friend by himself: that, I'm afraid, is what being married means.

But don't hit him with your vows just yet. Instead, suggest that she come over for dinner with her partner.

Say you'd like to meet her, that you want to hear all about what you were like at school.

There really is no way that your husband can object to this without looking like a dog.

What is he going to say? The sentence: "I'd like to see her alone" immediately begs the question: why?

And your husband will never admit that he just wants to feel young again: he knows that you'll never stop laughing.

NIRPAL SAYS

Most people's minds will wander during those periods of bovine tedium that afflict every relationship.

As we daily chew the dreary cud of monogamy, like heifers waiting for the abattoir, we'll find ourselves thinking of past loves and other possibilities.

Dealing with your partner's attraction to other people is the most difficult but ubiquitous challenge love has to offer.

There's no point trying to deny, control or ignore it.

Let your husband meet his ex. He's not your property and has the right to meet anyone he pleases.

But you also have the right to know exactly why he wants to meet her and what happens between them.

Try stopping him and he'll only resent you for not trusting him and trying to be controlling.

And he could well end up lying to you and meeting her anyway, in which case the duplicitous groundwork for infidelity will have been laid.

On the other hand, giving him permission will only increase his respect for you.

It shows that you have courage and are prepared to act like an adult while treating him like one, too.

This other woman may well not seem so attractive, if he knows he has a mature and accepting partner who has the confidence to let him work through his issues.

Sure, he could fall back in love with her anyway and leave you.

But at least it would have happened in the cold light of day without subterfuge and betrayal.

You'll have seen it coming, which will make the experience more bearable.

No one has any real power over anyone else's emotional life. People are a law unto themselves. If you think otherwise, you really are in for some painful surprises in life.

By giving him consent you'll open up the dialogue between you and create the possibilities for having a deeper and more trusting relationship.

The healthiest partnerships are between people who are able to share their deepest problems - including their attraction to someone else.

But if you try to stifle your other half, their bitterness at that will contaminate your partnership in the long run.

Accepting your partner's individuality is scary, confronting you with the fragility of your relationship.

But real grown-ups understand that such insecurity is a fact of life and is best dealt with through straightforward honesty.