“As an expression of his extremely kindness towards people in needs”, explains the unintentionally mirth-packed £6 programme from this bewilderingly pointless show, JM Barrie donated the royalties for Peter Pan in perpetuity to Great Ormond Street.

Charity can be the only possible reason for going to see this, although a better wheeze would be to send a generous cheque to the kids and then steer well clear.

Peter Pan El Musical has apparently been a huge success in Spain, although I’m guessing this might have something to do with the fact that it’s in Spanish.

It’s certainly not a result of any inherent production values from director/adaptor Cristina Fargas, as the over-amplified actors belt out 12 highly unmemorable power ballads and drift unedifiyingly about the land of Nunca Jamás. Dads will be roused from their stupor by some busty mermaids doing a spot of late first-half writhing — sample line of thrilling philosophical insight: “If we get bored we have to do something” — but there’s no similar consolation for Mums.

Any child not fluent en Castellano will have to contend with the super-titles, which manage the double whammy of being punishingly high up and incapable of following the dialogue.

Still, after a while we get the idea that it’s mostly wafty stuff about “dreams”, so it’s back to the stage, where the perennially perky Pan (Miguel Antelo) prances, dressed disconcertingly as Robin Hood. Capitán Garfio (Hook, keep up) doesn’t appear until part two and proceeds to be out-acted by his wig.

Not, then, so much an awfully big adventure as an awfully big mistake.

Until 27 April (0844 412 4662)