When Capital FM ditched their annual Party in the Park four years ago it seemed to represent rock’s victory over pure pop music. Now reborn in a wintry indoor guise, and with Capital promising two massive London concerts a year from now on, there was little miming and almost all 16 performers used live bands. Yet this was as pop as it gets.

With a formula of get on, do your hits and get lost, the short attention span of the average commercial radio listener was catered for. Only final star Rihanna was allowed more than three songs, with even multi-million-selling James Blunt shuffling off after just two.

At four hours long it somehow seemed brief, moving at lightning speed to the next thing and the next thing like one of those epic TV clip shows. It was like watching endless movie trailers instead of a whole film, or a giant concert consisting entirely of encores.

The dreaded changeovers between bands were impressively fast, although it meant using two stages and tucking away acts including Lemar and Anastacia on a much smaller second platform.
A two-tier system was created. Some, such as Irish chart-toppers The Script and Brit-winning soul man James Morrison, went for low-key semi-acoustic sets. The Sugababes went for minuscule glittery dresses and fireworks.

Brash girl group Pussycat Dolls made the most of their space with high-kicking dance routines and searing blasts of flame. All legs, pouts and vacuous lyrics (“When I grow up I wanna be famous”; “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”) like living Bratz dolls they set a terrible example to their young audience but certainly stood out in the crowd here.

Although The Saturdays missed their entrance cue and Enrique Iglesias was particularly forward while singing Hero to a 17-year-old audience member, with so many singers to get through this was a tight ship and not the place to come for surprises. “They sound like how they sound on the radio — that’s why they’re good,” explained my eight-year-old companion.

Rihanna’s all-too-brief finale was so spectacular compared with everyone else that this group effort seemed very much like her show. The Barbadian R&B star began Disturbia atop a huge column, sang biggest hit Umbrella in front of a waterfall of sparks and even squeezed in a costume change.

With no time for self-indulgence (even Johnny Vaughan didn’t talk much) the Jingle Bell Ball was too quick to be boring but too superficial to stick in the mind.