A diplomatic incident that makes me see red

They are the diplomats, laughably misnamed emissaries, who have status, money, vainglory, enviable accommodation, other prerogatives, and the inviolable right to behave as wildly as they damn well choose, and by Jove they do. New figures show that the Saudis, South Africans and Moroccans are the worst offenders.

Under the terms of the Vienna Convention of 1961, individuals representing their countries in embassies abroad have immunity from prosecution in the host country. Their families and staff are exempt, too. Nice.

I had a close encounter with one of this protected species while parking my old Nissan Micra in Belgravia, their wild territory. A driver had taken up two spaces and I asked politely if he could move. After a gale of vitriol he deliberately dented my car as his master, an attaché from an East European new nation, smirked stupidly. No point in reporting him. No point, I was told a long time ago when I tried to report the physical abuse suffered by a female student of mine, a lesser royal from the House of Saud.

Young PC Yvonne Fletcher was killed by a marksman hidden in the Libyan Embassy in 1984. He is still free and uncharged. In the past two years, 30 serious offences were committed by foreign diplomats in Britain. Most are quietly returned home if found out. Our lot abroad are more lawabiding, but British diplomats still do let the side down alarmingly, often after imbibing too much booze. They are not beholden, never held publicly accountable.

Extravagant embassies are seen as essential for nations and of course they hang on to their unjustifiable privileges. It makes no sense but is Tradition! The whole system is an affront and it is time for an overhaul. The first step must be to end the prosecution-immunity perk.

Diplomats must obey the laws of the lands they parade through and if they break the laws, let them be named, shamed, tried and properly punished. There will be a fight-back and much resentment. Reading this, my friends in high diplomatic places will never again spoil me with Ferrero Rocher. One or two may even end up in the nick. I can't wait.