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Woman commits suicide after becoming depressed by her wrinkles
Last updated at 09:37am on 08.06.07
Amanda Barr committed suicide by lying down in front of a 90mph train
A woman who became depressed that she was losing her youthful looks committed suicide by lying down in front of a 90mph train, an inquest has heard.
Amanda Barr, 44, had become obsessively preoccupied with the condition of her skin.
She claimed she could pinpoint the date, time and cause of wrinkles that others could barely see.
She would not even let her partner of 13 years kiss her on the cheek for fear it would inflame her rosacea, a skin condition causing redness, the Norwich jury hearing was told.
Miss Barr, of Little Ellingham, Norfolk, died on February 22 at the nearby Shadwell level crossing.
The administrator, who was signed off work with stress at the time, was hit by a train travelling from Norwich to Cambridge.
She left a suicide note in her car apologising for "all the grief and hurt" her actions would cause to her loved ones.
"I just can't live with myself any longer. Try not to think of me too badly," she wrote.
Her live-in partner, Neil Thirsk, said she often talked about taking her life at the level crossing, which she also referred to as her "thinking place".
But in the week before her death she had told him not to worry any more as she realised it was not the right thing to do and she believed her condition was going to get better.
Mr Thirsk said Miss Barr's obsession with imperceptible skin blemishes had snowballed since their relationship started in 1994 and it became apparent in the months before her death that the problem was a psychological one.
But she refused medication for her problems in case it made her skin worse.
Her rosacea was actually nothing more serious than a "slight red mark" on her face, he said, but she was unable to keep it in perspective.
"She felt it was huge and that everyone was staring at it and saying: 'Look at her!' She became very, very obsessed with it, really, and the way she looked."
Mr Thirsk said his partner would not even walk ten yards to the bins from their front door for fear of the wind inflaming her skin.
Days before she died Miss Barr went to see her GP and was referred to her community mental health team.
Mental health worker Sheila Hodgson diagnosed her with depression after talking with her for an hour.
She concluded that there was an underlying depressive illness that had manifested itself in her obsession over her skin.
Mrs Hodgson told the inquest: "She would spend many hours staring at herself in the mirror and can remember the date, time and circumstance of every single wrinkle she had.
"I felt she was grieving for her lost looks."
Mr Thirsk told the hearing: "Her looks were very important to her - her skin especially."
The inquest jury returned a verdict of "suicide whilst suffering from a depressive illness".
Reader views (6)
When did people in Britain become so weak minded, that they must take their lives over wrinkles? Maybe better life skills should be taught in school to cope with pain and loss etc?
- Brandon Thomas, London, UK
Tragic story. Sounds like she may have been someone with body dysmorphic disorder which can lead to secondary depression (not that I am a great fan of psychiatric diagnosis, but the treatment needs to be modified to deal with the preoccupation with appearance). I have worked with people with this condition but it can be really hard to treat and link to lots of issues of shame and low self esteem.
- James Gray, London
A truly tragic story. I'm quite sure that society's obsession with appearance over substance helped cause this poor woman's depression and ultimate demise.
- Peter, London, UK
A very close friend of mine became obsessed with his premature hair loss, almost to the same degree, 2 years on he was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder. He is a psychiatrist and didn't recognise his own symptoms, it took coleagues to do that.
- Steph, Ilford
As someone who suffers with outbreaks of rosacea I can sympathise, but to be that obsessive about would point to a form of depression.
- Trevor Roll, London
What a terribly sad story. Rosacea can be an all consuming disease and there is definitely a danger in becoming obsessed with your skin. The struggle to look normal can be too much for some, sadly. Please everyone realise that other people really aren't as interested or worried about your skin as you are. If you feel you aren't coping with your feelings about yourself then please be brave enough to see a doctor and ask for some help. There are some wonderful treatments for rosacea out there, you just need to reach out to find them.
David Pascoe.
Rosacea Support Group
- David Pascoe, Perth, Australia.
