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Our London: Jake & Dinos Chapman
By Anna Pursglove Last updated at 00:00am on 20.10.00How long have you lived in London? Jake: Fifteen years. Dinos: Long enough to know that I live in the wrong bit.
Where do you live and why? J: Whitechapel because it's a crucible for artists and creative people and the poor. D: I'm sorry - I thought that read, 'Why do you live...' Not that I'm paranoid or anything.
If money were no object, where would you like to live in London? J: In a chauffeur-driven RV [US Camper van] rotating on the London orbital. D: St Tropez.
Do you have a local (restaurant/pub)? J: The Golden Heart pub - it sells crisps too. D: No.
Where would you most like to spend a lost weekend in London? J: Nunhead cemetery. D: I'm not sure what a lost weekend is, but I'm guessing that it may be something to do with being hopelessly drunk for an extended period, in which case I don't think it matters a great deal where you are.
What keeps you awake at night? J: Justin Westover's dog Wilmer howling because he's out on the tiles again. D: Thinking about breakfast... yum yum.
Who would you most like to get stuck in a London Eye pod with? J: Marty Feldman. D: A large group of claustrophobic vertigo sufferers and a video camera.
When did you last lose something valuable and what was it? J: I recently lost my motorbike - a Suzuki GSX-R1100. D: I never lose anything and I don't have anything valuable either.
List three things you would abolish from London life. J: Air, fire and water. D: Notting Hill, Chelsea and Kensington.
And three things you would make compulsory for Londoners? J: Fun, fun, fun. D: Dick van Dyke cockney accents (for the tourists), period costume, (again for the tourists) and singing and dancing lessons (you guessed it, for the tourists).
When and where did you last get drunk? J: At a mainly German party in Whitechapel. D: Last week in Toronto.
When was the last time you went to a nightclub? J: Recently - inevitably 333 in Shoreditch. D: The evening before going to Toronto.
Where is the sexiest place in London? J:Rotherhithe Tunnel. D: I give up, you tell me.
What don't you leave London without? J: A tear. D: A little piece of paper with my address on it, just in case.
Admit to one thing you've done in London that you've never told anyone before. J: Fired a rocket at MI6. D: I constantly bore everyone with everything I have ever done, sorry.
Where did you last blow £500 and what was it on? J: An orange bicycle. D: A yellow bicycle from Condor cycles.
What's the first piece of advice you'd give a London tourist? J: First left, second right. D: The pedestrian always has right of way over traffic.
When was the last time you broke the law? J: Ha, ha, ha. D: Hey! That's a great idea, invite people to admit to breaking the law in print. You could catch some real villains that way.
What's the best thing you can do in London without paying for it? J: Sleep. D: You always pay.
What's the most over-rated thing in London? J: The Tower of London. D: My domestic bills.
What do you miss most when you're out of London? J: The bustle. D: The chaos.
Have you ever been refused entry anywhere? J: Yes, of course, and I offered to pay too. D: I don't go where I'm not invited.
Have you ever been a victim of violence in London? J: Yes. Ouch. D: We've got a bit serious all of a sudden, haven't we?
What is the most expensive meal you've had in London and who did you eat with? J: I don't like talking about food and I don't eat with other people because I make a mess and ruin their clothes. D: I avoid eating in public - no manners.
Which shop could you not live without? J: Sweet and Spicy in Brick lane. D: McDonald's - no manners expected.
What is your favourite view? J: My view. Always. D: Through my right eye.
What and where is your favourite painting or work of art? J: The Fischli and Weiss room in the Tate Modern. D: I don't have a particular favourite.
What last made you cry? J: Bambi, the little bastard. D: Onions.
Where in London would you have your ashes scattered? J: I don't mind, but I was hoping to be buried. D: Down any toilet.
If your house were on fire, which three things would you rescue? J: My three lickle kittens - the puppies would have to stay. D: Difficult one, that.
Work by the Chapman brothers is currently on show as part of the Royal Academy's Apocalypse exhibition until 15 Dec, and at The Saatchi Gallery's Ant Noises 2 exhibition until 26 Nov
