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As John Motson hangs up his famous sheepskin coat and makes his last live broadcast, we celebrate his finest gaffes
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25 June 2008
'Bruce has got the taste of Wembley in his nostrils.'
John Motson will hang up his famous sheepskin coat after doing his last live BBC TV commentary on Sunday for the Euro 2008 Final. The BBC's voice of football will take a step back after a glorious 30-year career which has been littered with hilarious 'Motsonball' gaffes and malapropisms. Here, as a tribute, CLAIRE COHEN recalls some of the funniest . . .
So different from the scenes in 1872 - at the Cup Final none of us can remember.'
'It looks like a one-man show here, although there are two men involved.'
' For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all yellow strip.'
'The World Cup is a truly international event.'
'It think this could be our best victory over Germany since the war.'
'The goals made such a difference to the way this game went.'
'That shot might not have been as good as it might have been.'
'The match has become quite unpredictable - but it still looks as though Arsenal will win the Cup.'
'It's Arsenal 0, Everton 1, and the longer it stays like that, the more you've got to fancy Everton.'
'And what a time to score - 22 minutes gone.'
'It's a football stadium in the truest sense of the word.'
'Actually, none of the players are wearing earrings. Kjeldberg, with his contact lenses, is the closest we can get.'
'Middlesbrough are withdrawing Maccarone the Italian, Nemeth the Slovakian and Stockdale the right-back.'
'The referee is wearing the same yellow-coloured top as the Slovakian goalkeeper. I'd have thought the Uefa official would have spotted that - but perhaps he's been deafened by the noise of this crowd.'
'Nearly all the Brazilian supporters are wearing yellow shirts - it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour.'
'I can't fault Mark Palios too highly.'
'I've just heard that in the other match Real Madrid have just scored. That makes the score, if my calculations are correct, 4-3! But I'm only guessing!'
'He's not quite at 110 per cent fitness.'
'And I suppose Spurs are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than at any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway.'
'I know that Gareth Barry has been told by Howard Wilkinson to take a long, hard look at these with his left foot.'
'Whether that was a penalty or not, the referee thought otherwise.'
'England will be having Sweden for breakfast.'
'The unexpected is always likely to happen . . .'
'The match was settled either side of half-time.'
'The atmosphere here is literally electric.'
'I've lost count of how many chances Helsingborg have had. It's at least five.'
'This is the biggest thing that's happened in Athens since Homer put down his pen.'
'That tackle was so hard, it hurt his whole family!'
'Over the top, over the bar, and he knows he should have done better!'
'The roof is on, but the gloves are off.'
'Chelsea haven't got any outandout strikers on the bench unless you count Zenden, who's more of a winger.'
'Mrs Thatcher has her own cup final later this month' (after the then Prime Minister was shown in the Wembley crowd prior to the 1987 FA Cup Final, which was played just before the 1987 General Election).
'The Crazy Gang have beaten the Culture Club!'
'It's delirious! It's delightful! It's Denmark!'
'I can confirm that Trevor Brooking did have his own eggs and bacon before setting off.'
'Shevchenko can't hit a barn door with a banjo for Chelsea!'
'England versus Germany games have often caused the tea cups to topple off the table, so those of you at home watching tonight, be careful with the crockery.'
'Northern Ireland were in white, which was quite appropriate because three inches of snow had to be cleared from the pitch before kick-off.'
'Not the first half you might have expected - even though the score might suggest that it was.'
'There is still nothing on the proverbial scoreboard.'
'You can still buy tickets for knock-out games off the internet. That's if you know how to. I certainly don't.'
'England could have been 1-0 down on two occasions now.'
'Oh, that's good running on the run.'
- Private Eye's Colemanballs (£4.99). To order (p&p free), call 0845 606 4206 or visit www.private-eye.co.uk
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