For one fearful moment I long for home

Pundits were quick to point out the obvious: the fear generated by a combination of the Indian attacks and more local threats could turn Black Friday into Red Friday - in other words, despite massive discounts, consumers wouldn't venture into Manhattan to spend. And that would have a disastrous knock-on effect for the economy.

Even before the return of al Qaeda, the recession has made New Yorkers fractious and fearful - unlike themselves, in fact. Many people who aren't tied here have left. "Life is much happier in LA," a German friend emailed me. I envied him. Last week, for the first time since I moved here 11 years ago, I really wanted to get out of this town. It has become the hotspot for lightning-speed changes in one's circumstances. One moment, everything's fine; the next, it's absolutely not.

Right after I saw the Mumbai footage I got an email from a British friend, my son's godfather - he'd been staying in the Oberoi hotel, targeted in Mumbai. He'd got out of the hotel and was safe in a friend's apartment, but shooting was going on around him. He was without his passport and he was worried about the hostages.

At that moment, the idea of delivering a satire on TV (which obviously didn't happen) paled in comparison to the important stuff: life, death things many of us New Yorkers can be too quick to forget about as we avidly pursue our careers.

For me, last week, the uncertainty of things in New York was, for a moment, overwhelming. I climbed into my bed in the afternoon and wished I could return to England. Things are not safer or more economically stable there but I just really wanted the comfort of the family I grew up with. Around me Americans were travelling to be with their families. And I, too, wanted to come home.

Vicky Ward is a contributing editor of Vanity Fair.