If she changes your haircut, it's time to split - News - Evening Standard
       

If she changes your haircut, it's time to split

Sienna Miller was praised for seeing past Rhys Ifans's flabby Catweazle exterior, appreciating his inner beauty instead. But now they're engaged, she's insisting he get into shape and look more like her exes, Jude Law and Daniel Craig.

Sienna loved his easy-going charm while she got over her entanglements with gorgeous narcissists but having decided to keep him he now has to change big time - like all married men. He reportedly spends hours on a Power Plate while she films her latest movie.

Imagine the outrage that would ensue if a male celebrity bullied his partner into buffing up. The public likes Lenny Henry because he seems happy with Dawn French. If he demanded she slim down he'd be despised for his insensitivity. Men who change women are regarded as Svengalis, while women habitually mould their partners into someone more like the man they really want.

I grew my hair at my ex-wife's suggestion but when I returned to my usual crew cut her angry reaction was: "Why didn't you ask me first?" The only men she consulted on her look were gay stylists but I was expected to have her appearance-approval at all times. Last year, I split from a woman after she picked out a new wardrobe for me: I was no longer her boyfriend but her personal project.

All men have memories of how a woman suddenly objected to their behaviour, income, pastimes or friends, though she didn't mind when they first hooked up. One pal's ex fell for his cocky extroversion, only to then nag him for showing off. A self-respecting man who hated being moulded, he inevitably dumped her.

Marriage is a hailstorm of nitpicking: a man's career, personality, choice in décor, outfits and bodyshape become his wife's remit. We attribute this to a nurturing female instinct to bring the best out of him. The real reason is an uncomfortable and rarely acknowledged one.

As US comedian Chris Rock said, women are dissatisfied because "you ain't her first choice". Rhys is realising that he has to live up to the ones Sienna let get away. His beer-belly isn't a refreshing change from the hard-bodies she's accustomed to but a reminder of the hot times she had that came to an end. If he wants to stay sane, he'll ditch the Power Plate and have a pint instead.

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