I've hit my personal property slump

Property Slump is more of a niche ailment, specific to homeowners, with those who bought at the market's pinnacle most susceptible. In my case, the symptoms include generalised anxiety, a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and rapid heartbeat on seeing words such as "crash" writ large in headlines.

I've also developed an inability to pass by an estate agent's window without checking the price of houses in my neighbourhood. It's my way of taking the area's financial temperature. So far it's not yet terminal but Archway is definitely a bit off-colour.

What worries me more is how my local estate agent manages to keep three young men in sharp suits and hair gel when average home sales are bumping along at 8.3 a month in London. Why are they sitting at their desks smiling, with freshly coiffed barnets and cups of Starbucks, when they could be out knocking on doors and getting the market moving?

When I'm not counting "for sale" signs in local streets, I'm wondering about the factors that keep an area such as mine buoyant. Good schools, transport links, gastropubs and at least one decent Italian restaurant. I've got all those on the doorstep.

But after this week, a crucial ingredient is missing. The big City bonus bit the dust as a condition of Gordon Brown's great banking bail-out. Now I'm all for a little stealth socialism, and the bonus boys played more than a small part in my personal trouble. It's thanks to them I was priced out of Angel, where I used to live, and edged to the borough's less salubrious boundaries.

So why this twinge of nostalgia for the days of grotesque excess? I'll hardly miss the Porsches and the loud ties but a few more cash-rich buyers wouldn't do my house price any harm.

And that's the other sign you're getting full-blown Property Slump an overwhelming sense of self-interest. Which could explain a further shameful action: on Saturday I wandered into a community meeting and picked up a questionnaire. The first section asked if I'd like to see more affordable housing in the area. My head knows the correct answer is "yes", but my hand ticked "no". Because, in all honesty, isn't every homeowner craving property that's less affordable?

That's the thing about the credit crunch. It's making me stare those awkward home truths in the face.