Rowing with parents once a day 'is good for teenagers because it helps them bond'

But according to researchers, arguing is an excellent way to strengthen links between adolescents and parents – so much so that they should aim to have a row every day.

Teenagers may slam the door and storm off to their bedroom, but they say that an argument brings them closer to their mother and father.

Tabitha Holmes, a specialist in adolescent development, says that full-blown family disputes are an essential part of growing up.

"A conflict a day is about the right amount of rowing necessary to stay in close touch with the way your adolescent is developing," says Miss Holmes. "While it is already known that conflict can be useful and positive for adolescents – teaching them healthy identity formation, social- cognitive skills and complex reasoning – it was a complete surprise to me to discover that teenagers themselves saw heated arguments as something that brought them closer to their parents.

"Where their parents talked about how upsetting and destructive arguing with their child was, the adolescents were able to see how locking horns helped them to understand their parents' points of view more clearly.

"They were also very aware that a good row forced them to think through, articulate and defend their opinions and desires."

Miss Holmes suggests in her paper – The Good, the Bad and the (not so) Ugly: Mothers' and Adolescents' Beliefs About Conflict – that, within reason, the fiercer the argument, the better.

"Conflicts have to be heated – calm discussion or animated debate does not count," she says.

"Adolescents said they only told their mothers what they really felt and thought when backed into a corner.

"If your teenager is rowing with you, it's a mark of respect. They value you enough to tell you their genuine feelings and thoughts." She says this means parents should be concerned about offspring who are particularly placid.

"Is your teen afraid to talk to you, or not bothered to share what they're really thinking with you?

"Are you raising a yes-man or yeswoman, who is unable to think for themselves?

"Are they fearful of how you would react if they do disagree?" she asks in her study, which is to be published this week in the academic journal Personal Relationships. It is not, however, simply a matter of letting rip in numerous arguments, no matter what the consequences.

Parents are advised to listen seriously to their children's views and be willing to accept them.

Marketing consultant Anne Bailey, 42, of Cambridge, has a daughter Cecilia who is 12.

"I hate rowing with Cecilia," she said. "But I know it can be a constructive process that brings us closer together.

"I wouldn't recognise a child of mine if she didn't have opinions she's prepared to stand up for." Cecilia said: "It makes me feel safe to know that I can row with my mother and things will still be all right between us afterwards."