Save me from these discount desperados

"Anything you're looking for, ha ha?" said an insanely eager assistant as I was about to exit her shop, not having found what I was looking for (earrings). I confessed these were what I was after. She looked desperate - for there were none.

"We have bangles! Lots of lovely bangles!" she tried. "You wouldn't believe how many we've been selling!" She was correct - I didn't believe her. It took a while to leave ("Belly button rings! We've lots of those!")

A nearby shop had a pretty nice pair, but they were too expensive. "We can discount!" said the man. But they were still too much. He even followed me as I exited the premises half-jogging.

Such cloying desperation has had me pining for the days of aloofness, when shopkeepers were indifferent and I had a bit more spare cash and might have considered spending it. Playing hard to get might now seem counter intuitive, but by golly, they need to try something.

Can we please all make a collective New Year's resolution? Come on, let's all say it together - "The moment I feel the tickle of a cold coming on, I will retire to bed, watch repeats of Lovejoy and not come into the office until I feel completely well."

Never before have I felt the need to issue such a diktat, but in the absence of a strongly worded directive from the Ministry of Health (Coughs and Sneezes...) I feel the need to act.

We are in the midst of a pandemic, worse than any I can remember. Everyone has the flu.

One strain has been going round the office of late, exiting one person's nose, swimming dumbly through the thick air, roistering around in the air conditioning for a while, then finding its way into some other colleague's immune system.

Surely it would never have arrived here if the first wave of sufferers stayed at home in the first place. We are constantly told how much sick days cost the economy. How much bigger a financial black hole do those martyrs of mucus create by exposing themselves to the public?