Scale down the Games - and we'll all be winners

This great five-ring circus is the closest thing to alchemy that the contemporary world can show. Every four years, apparently intelligent civic leaders fall for the pitch that base brownfield soil can be turned into gold simply by rubbing it with the International Olympic Committee's magic potion, comprising large numbers of expensive new sports stadia and swimming pools.

I have no doubt that all London's stadia will be ready on time, that the fireworks at the opening ceremony will be spectacular, and that the London Olympics will bring us all real moments of pride and ecstasy. But no more than moments. For the abiding empirical experience of previous Olympics is that they are essentially a fraud.

In this supposed demonstration of the heights of the human spirit, several of the highest-profile winners usually turn out to have been on drugs. This festival of health is usually sponsored by the likes of McDonald's. This celebration of sport's liberating effects is usually attended with North Korean levels of choreography, paranoia and control.

Anything described as an Olympic legacy usually turns out to have been happening anyway, with or without the Games. In London, for instance, the so-called Javelin train tunnel was almost finished before London even decided to bid. The recent "Olympic legacy" announcement of more money for swimming, though most welcome, has no obvious link to the Olympics at all.

Above all, the briefest study of any previous Olympics shows that with one sole exception, Barcelona 92, they have left their host city at best, no better off, and at worst, facing crippling debts for a generation. This week, the bill for London continued to mount, with the announcement that further millions will be diverted to bail out the Olympic village.

The other thing Londoners may not realise is the damage the Olympics will do to our economy, our tourist industry and some of our most important civic assets. Did you know that three of our Royal Parks - Hyde Park, Regent's Park, and Greenwich Park - are Olympic venues, and will be closed throughout most of the summer of 2012? Did you know that Greenwich Park - site of the equestrian events - may be closed for nearly a year, and end up permanently scarred? (It may not be possible to fit in the cross-country course without cutting down trees.)

For the duration of the Games, London will be turned into a sort of armed camp, with police and security forces everywhere amid the real possibility of a terrorist atrocity. Roads will be closed to ordinary traffic so that IOC officials can get to the Games in their chauffeured cars. Everywhere will jack up their prices. If Athens is any guide, Londoners will flee the city and tourists will shun it. Oh yes, and all this will cost us £10 billion. If we're lucky.

It's not surprising, then, that my abiding feeling about the Olympics is of anger and despondency. If only we could give it back! But it's too late for that. We have to make the best of it. We have to try to at least limit the harm that it does us.

And actually, the fact that we are past the point of no return gives us some power. Because the IOC is past the point of no return, too. It's too late for them to do anything to us. So we should save the London Olympics by calling the IOC's bluff.

It's always been absurd that the Olympic bureaucrats require the construction of so many costly facilities for mostly very minor sports. Fifa doesn't make you build new football stadia for the World Cup - even though that involves a sport 50 times more important, and with an infinitely greater world following, than anything at the Olympics.

The ultimate Olympic bluff-call would be to cancel the main stadium and shift the athletics to Wembley. That, alas, is probably a move too far: contracts have been signed, and it might well cost more to cancel it than to go ahead.

But most of the other venues are not scheduled to begin construction until next year. We can perfectly well do without a new velodrome, a BMX track, a hockey arena, softball facilities or a basketball arena. Few of these venues have any clear post-2012 purpose. Even during the Games, not many people will be watching the sports that take place there.

There has already been some modest scaling-back of these facilities, but we should cancel the lot of them. Put many of them in Manchester, in the worldclass facilities built for the Commonwealth Games - something which might also make the rest of the country happier about paying for 2012. Move the cross-country event and save Greenwich Park.

My other suggestion wouldn't save much money, but it would make people very happy. Let's can the three thousand free limousines and the 1,500 free luxury hotel rooms for the absurd IOC luminaries. Make them get the Tube like everyone else. And if they get stuck, so what? They're not paying - we are.

All that would reduce the chances of a financial disaster. It would free some much-needed funds for "legacy". It would cut the Games's impact on the rest of London, and let it go about its life. Boris seems to be edging in this direction - he needs to go a lot further.

Because the changes I suggest would do something even more important. They would burst the absurd Olympic bubble for future cities, and cut the IOC down to size. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new London Austerity Olympics: 2012's real inspiration for future generations.