Sorry, Carol – Auntie had to dump you

It was meant to be a laugh between people Thatcher assumed shared her prejudices. They were white, after all — how could they not see the joke? Many of my white friends are put into this position by cab drivers, neighbours and workmates who assume that it is OK in white company to use racially offensive banter. When that happens it is impossibly hard to object.

Some do, most let go. But that doesn't make it right. Maybe Thatcher doesn't get the way society is changing and must change. In some way she is still George, the jolly, boyish girl in The Famous Five by Enid Blyton, a loved writer who popularised "golliwogs" and other distasteful words and images. Inexplicably, some Britons still look back with affection at those books and times. In one story, three golliwogs, "Golly, Woggie and Nigger", sing Ten Little Nigger Boys and in another they entice Noddy into the woods and steal his car and clothes. These were hardly innocent imaginings. Oh, it was a private conversation, says Thatcher. But the "green room" where she made the remark is where guests and staff gather before going on air. It is as private as a busy bus stop. To keep life decent and polite, we should try not to sound off without a care in public spaces — and on emails and blogs too. Such language is the verbal litter that we need to guard against to protect our social environment.

The real question to ask is this: would Carol Thatcher have made the same hilarious observation if a black man, say Lenny Henry or Darcus Howe, had been in the same room? Of course not. Somewhere deep down, she knows what she said was unacceptable — yet she refuses to apologise fully, adding injury to insult.

In any case, the BBC is not a private white members' club. It is a national institution catering for Britons of every hue. That brings extraordinary responsibilities. It was right to dump her.