Staggering! Do policemen really need a handbook to explain how they should spot a drunk?

A vital piece of intelligence has been passed to police officers tasked with keeping order during the festive season.

Whisper it ... but there are certain ways of telling when someone is drunk.

They include rambling conversation, flirtatiousness, unsteadiness on the feet or even, in extreme cases, falling asleep at the bar.

Most of those who have ever been in a pub might consider such advice so blindingly obvious that it is not worth saying.

Yet the Home Office has seen fit to set it down in a written guide and send it out, at taxpayers' expense, to an army of undercover officers due to spend the run up to Christmas incognito at the back of your local.

Their task is to spot a drunk then fine the bar staff if they continue to supply any more alcohol.

The guide has been ridiculed by landlords.

The Licensed Victuallers' Association said: "It seems ridiculous that a trained police officer needs help in identifying someone who is drunk.

"If you apply all these guidelines in the average pub any customer could be classified as drunk. It is another example of bureaucrats who seem to need a stiff drink themselves."

The guide is being issued to 90 police units across the country taking part in the pre-Christmas "Responsible Sales of Alcohol Campaign", which started last night.

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Undercover officers will mingle in pubs and issue £80 fixed penalties to staff who "knowingly" sell alcohol to someone who is too drunk.

Police will visit nominated premises on two nights each weekend up until Christmas Eve.

The aim of the guidelines, apparently, is to present "such compelling physical evidence of the person's level of intoxication that it would be impossible for a court to accept that the person who conducts the sale did not know of this fact".

David Wine, licensee at the Six Bells in Felsham, Suffolk, said: 'This is an absolute nonsense.

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So what if someone is dishevelled? Does that mean Bob Geldof will not be able to get served in pubs?

"They should be targeting supermarkets rather than the pub trade."

Caroline Nodder, editor of the Publican, said: 'Drunkenness is not something that can be measured on a scale.

"It is so subjective, so vague and open to misinterpretation as to be almost entirely useless."

Home Office Minister Vernon Coaker said: "With nearly half of all violent incidents involving alcohol, the majority of people who drink responsibly will welcome any police action designed to make our streets safer.

"We are not spoiling people's fun. We are getting tough with those few irresponsible retailers that continue to flout the law."