The girls are a washout in Sir Alan Sugar's soap opera of pure, naked ambition

THERE has never before, in the annals of television, been a programme so exquisitely tailored to our need for an exposé of the emperor's new clothes. This is not so much about Sir Alan Sugar - who we do not want to see in the nude - as our desire to sneer at the people who will strip themselves of all that makes them a decent human being, in order to get naked in search of a promotion. The potential apprentices are singularly unappealing. Their eyes glitter with malice and greed. We wish them ill.

Sir Alan was offered a gift in this first instalment of the new series, because the females did not do very well on the car cleaning task. He cast a basilisk stare upon them, such as would not have been the case if he was faced with a bunch of hopeless male oiks. I have read lots of interviews with Sir Alan but I've never got the impression that he understands the lady thing.

Anyway, there are women here trembling in the presence of the almost-grown beard. There is the inevitable bullying: "You've had overnight to reflect on your failure". Then the hilarious justifications: "We stepped up to the plate, went under the radar, picked up the mixed metaphor" (Last one a joke.) Sir Alan, in a marvellous trio with that bloke and the old bird which suggests a tribute band from the Sixties, decides that Anita must be fired. My theory is that Anita had the poutiest mouth and therefore made the best early departure. What is certain is that she thought Sir Alan was wrong: "I'm bitterly disappointed," she exclaimed. "In 10 years time, he may be wrong."

I don't think you were wrong, sweetie, except for getting involved in this farrago. No one wants a job with Sir Alan if they're remotely interested in a future that might allow themselves to be their own person. Meanwhile, those who are left hug each other in a way that could be best described as disingenuous. We will watch them with interest.

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