The strain of taking a train at Christmas

When I decided to take the stress out of getting to Scotland by skipping the M6 and taking the train - earning eco points en route - I couldn't have imagined the ways in which the companies that run our railways would conspire against me. So on Sunday I'll be packing my newly classified "gas-guzzler" - a 10-year-old Beetle - with presents, warm clothes and hot soup and driving the 500 miles north to Edinburgh instead.

The truth is it'll cost a third of the money and be a whole lot more comfortable. And if I leave early enough I'll avoid the motorway crushes.

After all, who in their right mind would risk the railways, assuming they can find a way of reaching their chosen destination at all this Christmas? If you can get out of town by Friday evening you might just make it. But though many have started Christmas early by taking Monday off, plenty don't have that option.

Good luck to them, because when Sunday dawns, so does a very skeletal train service. Don't even think about embarking on a journey from Liverpool Street station - it's closed until 2 January. The East Coast Main Line from King's Cross shuts down at 7pm on Saturday, so the journey I meant to take would have involved a coach trip from hell to Peterborough. I have stood before on a cold platform in Peterborough weighed down by bags full of awkward-shaped gifts. I vowed never to do it again.

West Coast routes are just as convoluted, involving diversions, buses and closed stations in Scotland. I could get there, but the whole trip would end up taking eight hours and cost nearly £200 return. Double that if you're a couple, then wonder why you don't just jet off abroad for a week.

Coming back is no easy option either. You can't get into London at all until the end of next week.

Part of me that thinks a period of enforced immobility is a good thing. Perhaps the rail bosses have a greater good in mind - to make us spend more time with our relatives. And repairs must be carried out. But there is a cruelty in creating travel chaos at this time of year. And the twist of the knife comes with the bill. For a journey that promises unmitigated misery we pay through the nose, even if you book well in advance.

I certainly know that I can't get anywhere useful for less than £100. And things are set to get worse. For a walk-on return between London and Manchester passengers will be stung for £230 in the New Year. How does that work if you're an ordinary person earning the average wage?

So my advice to Christmas travellers on a budget, or anyone who still cares about their carbon footprint? Hitch a ride in a gas-guzzler.