The world according to Jose

If I wanted to have an easy job I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me
Preparing for his first season at Chelsea in July 2004

If he helped me out in training we would be bottom of the league and if I had to work in his world of big business, we would be bankrupt! On Roman Abramovich in March 2005

It was a goal that came from the moon - from the Anfield stands. The best team lost. Liverpool scored, if you can say that they scored, because maybe you should say the linesman scored
Mourinho questions the validity of Liverpool forward Luis Garcia's goal which puts Chelsea out of the Champions League semi-finals in May 2005

Ricardo Carvalho seems to have problems understanding things, maybe he should have an IQ test, or go to a mental hospital or something
On the defender's complaints on not being picked for first game of the season, in August 2005

I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea
Responding to claims from Arsene Wenger that Chelsea had illicitly approached Ashley Cole in October 2005

There is no shame in defeat, on the contrary, it shows that we are the best
Mourinho offers an unconventional viewpoint after two defeats in a week, against Real Betis in Europe and then Manchester United in the League in November 2005

Pressure? There is no pressure. Bird Flu is pressure. No, you laugh, but I am being serious. I am more worried about the swan then I am about football . . . I'll have to buy a mask
Mourinho claims he is more worried about contracting avian flu than being caught in the Premiership by Manchester United in April 2006

It is like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But I am content because the blanket is cashmere. It is no ordinary blanket
On not spending in the January 2007 transfer window despite Chelsea's injury crisis

Young players are a bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 per cent sure that the melon is good. Sometimes you have beautiful melons but they don't taste very good and some other melons are a bit ugly and when you open them up, the taste is fantastic
On the development of youth players at Chelsea in may 2007

It is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem
Missing the likes of injury victims Frank Lampard, Michael Ballack, Ricardo Carvalho and Didier Drogba, Mourinho cooks up a surreal analogy ahead of Tuesday's fateful draw with Rosenborg.