Thomas the Tank Engine is still my boy's hero. Just ...

The East Anglian Railway Museum is about an hour from London and all the way there Ludo was jabbering away excitedly, telling us what the precise relationship is between Thomas and his friends. For instance, Cranky is in the doghouse because he once referred to Thomas as a "little mite". By the end of the journey I knew enough about the Rev WV Awdry character to choose him as my special subject on Mastermind.

The price of admission was a little high - £12 per adult and £7 per child - but at least it included unlimited rides. The layout of the museum was a little confusing so I approached a portly gentleman in a top hat, the Fat Controller no less, and asked him what the correct procedure was. "The correct procedure?" he asked, incredulously. "The correct procedure is you get in the carriages, go up and down the track, then get out again." He then gave my wife a funny look as if to say: "Who is this idiot?"

After gingerly picking our away across a couple of tracks, Ludo spotted Toby the Tram Engine and insisted we clamber aboard.

Except that wasn't possible. It looked convincing enough from the outside but didn't contain any passenger seats. Indeed, it wasn't a "tram engine" at all, just a common-or-garden engine.

It didn't take long for Ludo to realise that nearly all the "characters" differed from their fictional counterparts in some vital respect. Engines that were meant to be driven by steam turned out to be diesels; Annie and Clarabel, the two carriages pulled by Thomas, were from the wrong historical period. One "character" was just some ancient bit of rolling stock that had a plastic face nailed to its front.

At first, Ludo was bitterly disappointed. But the more he drew attention to just how hopelessly inauthentic the "Day out with Thomas" was, the more I laughed and he gradually began to cheer up. To be truthful, I had a much better time than I would have done if it had been up to scratch.

By the end of our day out, Ludo had learnt a valuable lesson about the British, namely, that the more there is to complain about, the more we enjoy ourselves.

As we were leaving, the Fat Controller got down on his haunches and asked Ludo if he'd enjoyed himself. "No," he said. "It was rubbish." Needless to say, he had a huge grin on his face.