We told you not to mention the sn*w!

Like most people, I experienced a vague sense of euphoria on waking up last week to see London transformed, but it wasn't long before the snow turned to slush. Within 48 hours, our front hall looked as though someone had emptied a bucket of sewage in it.

I was determined to take my two eldest children to school at the beginning of the week but my wife wouldn't hear of it.

"Take them to the park," she said. "They may never see snow like this again in their lifetime."

"Actually, the weather forecast says it's going to snow again tomorrow."

"Don't be such a misery guts."

Our trip to Acton Park proved to be a disaster. On the way there my son made the mistake of throwing a snowball at a group of teenage boys across the street. Seconds later, he was the victim of what military analysts refer to as a "disproportionate response". The sheer scale of the bombardment would have instilled shock and awe in the population of Iraq, let alone a three-year-old boy. It was not a good start.

Once we got to the park, things began to look up. True, the playground had been closed for 'elf and safety reasons, but there was no one to stop us building a snowman. Unfortunately, the snow was still too fresh to roll into a giant ball so we settled for making a pyramid.

At least it looked like a pyramid until my son kicked the top off. That prompted my five-year-old daughter to burst into tears.

Next up was tobogganing. After placing my two children in front of me on a black bin bag I hurled my weight forward to get us going. The result was that I remained seated at the top of the hill while my two children were sent cartwheeling to the bottom. By the time they came to a stop, they had so much snow stuffed into their coats it was a wonder there was any left on the hillside.

Don't let anyone tell you that last week's snowfall was "good for the kids". When my children came into direct contact with it on their hands or faces they reacted as it was kryptonite. If we don't see another snowflake for 18 years, that will be too soon as far as I'm concerned.

TOBY LOVED
The Secret of Moonacre (general release)
It's a children's film that the entire family can enjoy.