What every Londoner should tell any tourist

To alleviate the sense of crush and invasion, I thought you might like these harmless but entertaining lies that you can tell them:

1. You think the London Eye is impressive now? You wait till they get the other three wheels and the chassis done.

2. The O2 is the only building you can't see from space.

3. Don't go to Elephant and Castle between 2am and 4am — that's when they let the elephant out of its castle for a bit of exercise.

4. Although you must stand on the right of the escalator, you may sit on the left. Ignore anyone who tells you otherwise.

5. The Ritz Hotel is so called because it is made entirely from biscuits.

This is why you have to take your shoes off and hand them to the man in the top hat before you go in.