Why Radio 4 soars as TV hits rock bottom

Figures from Radio Joint Audience Research (Rajar), the UK radio body, reveal that Radio 3 has broken the two million listener mark and that Radio 4 is reaching more than 10 million people a week — after adding an additional 465,000 listeners. Is it any wonder so many people are tuning in, when so many are turning off television ?

The Rajar figures were announced just a day after Ofcom revealed that almost half of all 65-year-olds believe television has deteriorated in the past five years because of bad language, violence and a soaring number of repeats. Meanwhile ITV is in the doldrums, relying on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! to bring in the revenue. On Channel 4, the current Big Brother series is pulling in the worst viewing figures in its 10-year history.

For me, Radio 4 remains the jewel in the BBC crown. I wake up to the Today programme each morning with unalloyed joy, impatient to hear who is being skewered by John Humphrys. It is the perfect kick-start to the day.

What is most impressive is how Radio 4 seems to survive on a fraction of BBC TV's budget. The entire annual budget of Today, which runs six days a week, three hours a day (and two hours on Saturday), is far less, at £3.5-£4 million, than Jonathan Ross's once-a-week TV celebrity show (£6 million). Which is better value for money? You decide.

Whereas six years ago Today had a staff of 55, now it is down to 25, plus some freelancers — and most of its employees are in the £20,000-£40,000 income bracket. Sadly, one of the downsides of having an office job is that I don't get to hear the rest of the day's quality output. Only this week historian Andrew Roberts told me he listens to Martha Kearney on The World at One without fail as it is such a high quality programme.

Other gems include Melvyn Bragg's acclaimed In Our Time, Andrew Marr's Start the Week and Mark Lawson's Front Row. After an uncertain start, Kirsty Young has proved herself an admirable presenter of Desert Islands Discs. And check out Dame Joan Bakewell's programme Inside the Ethics Committee, in which a panel of experts discuss real-life medical cases (eg, should a woman be given a kidney transplant when there is a high risk of failure?). It is as good as any thriller.
That's not to mention all the comedy programmes (Just a Minute, The News Quiz, The Now Show and so on).

Radio 4 also has another USP. As my wife tells me every day, it is the only place where intelligent women of a certain age without a facelift can get airtime. In other words, unlike BBC TV, it is largely devoid of ageism. Let's hope Arlene Phillips, disgracefully dumped from Strictly Come Dancing, is given her own show on the wireless.

I'm a swine flu refusenik

Napoleon got it wrong: we are a nation of whingers, not shopkeepers. The average Briton takes 366 days off sick in their lifetime, according to the CBI. Now we learn that even more people are taking time off work because of suspected swine flu. Swine flu skivers are allegedly costing firms more than the virus.

What worries me is that the NHS is complicit in this collective molly-coddling. When I went to see my GP for the first time in 10 years about a persistent cough, I was given a lecture about the perils of swine flu and told I should not have ventured into his surgery. But I have come to see you about a cough, I explained, which may or may not be swine flu. In the event he sent me packing and told me to take more days off. It made me so angry I went back to work immediately. Have I had swine flu? I haven't a clue.

Here are some choice insults from Lord Sugar, from The Apprentice: "You're a lightweight. You're fired!" "I've heard you managed the Titanic restaurant. Well, this is another disaster." "You seem to have gone from anchor to w****r." "You couldn't close a barn door even if you tripped over it!" "I've got this feeling about Noorul. All I can say is, whoever employs him better get a receipt."

Lord Sugar has made a career out of humiliating people on air; now he has the temerity to threaten to sue a journalist for saying he is a telly peer who doesn't seem to have an enormous intellect.

Sugar proposes to sue Quentin Letts personally unless he pays his legal costs to date and gives a written undertaking never to criticise him again. It would be funny if it wasn't such a serious matter.

Immigrant hobgoblin

It was HL Mencken who had the best insight into modern politics: "The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all them imaginary." Think immigration, terrorism and swine flu.

Now another hobgoblin has emerged: we are told that one million migrants "will quit Britain" as job opportunities become scarce. Help! Don't do it. After years of scaremongering about the rise in immigration, we will now have to start worrying about a mass exodus.

Who will serve me my daily bread in Pret A Manger? How will I survive without my Polish builder and my Chinese cleaner? How many hobgoblins can one man take?