You won't find real friends on Facebook

Curmudgeonly old codger, reply many of my good mates who have enthusiastically thrown themselves into the internet fad.

Facebook suits the temperament of indigenous Britons - in general reserved (unless drunk), not given to Mediterranean expansiveness, sometimes neglectful of relatives and buddies.

Unlike other Europeans we are all now too time-poor and fatigued so I can see how the site appeals. Come into Egomania PLC, meet the millions already signed up, hug and high-five as many as you choose - remember that this is about quantity, not quality, and a high tally adds to your share value. It is your bottom line.

Some of the dangers of the network are obvious - identity theft, another facility for advertisers to cash in on personal contacts. The online shopping habits of some members have already been made available to businesses without consent.

Other dangers are less in your face, as it were. Members voluntarily surrender their own privacy in order to impress. Chums - false and true - are trophies. The information and photographs shared are disseminated fast and carelessly.

Do you really want to show your family snaps to a thousand people at once? It cheapens everybody and everything. Only the most gullible would believe that all those who have agreed to be their friend deserve to be admitted to that precious circle. What happens, you wonder, when they fall out?

Think of Facebook communication as soulless electronic round-robin letters and it appears very sad and sorry. Enthusiasts say they don't have the time to ring a mate or meet a sibling and yet roam the net for hours craving artificial affection.

This is no substitute for talking in real time and place, touching the hand and arm, reacting to the eyes and facial expressions, chuckles and sobs. Even on the phone you have the distinctive voice and sounds of laughter and tears.

So here's my advice. Stay out. Choose discretion over populism. Remember Miles Davis would never have been on Facebook. That's real cool.