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We went on a quiet sunday evening and the food was excellent, but the experience let down by the service and ambiance
London,
David Sexton's rating
Reader rating
Phone: 020 7287 1000
Open: Open Mon-Fri 11.30am-12.30am; Sat 11am-midnight; Sun 11.30am-9.30pm
Terrible draw, a TV screen. Whenever one’s on, you find yourself looking at it, however hard you try not to, even when it’s not showing anything worth watching.
Just the flicker and motion are irresistible. You may be there with the one you love or in the middle of the most important conversation you ever had. Still the eye drifts over ...
Planet Hollywood is this aberration writ large. The whole place is dominated by giant plasma screens, all showing the same thing: clips from movies and music videos, masterminded by a DJ in a little mezzanine cage.
This week there was lots of Michael Jackson, interspersed with car-chases, shoot-outs and a bit of Night at the Museum. And all the diners here, whether in couples or family groups, gaze up at the screens, all the time.
They don’t look at each other and they don’t talk, which is effectively prevented by the mighty sound-system in the roof anyway.
Heads tilted back, they put food in their mouths, they chew, they stare upwards, smiling, giggling, vacant. It is a TV dinner for a hundred people at once, a TV dinner from hell.
Planet Hollywood opened in London in 1993 at the Trocadero and steadily made huge amounts of money until the lease expired in January this year. It has now reopened just down the road, a five-million-quid job, seating 280 people, in five different areas, on two levels of bedlam.
The overall tone is bright orange, the walls being decorated with a fuzzy view of the night lights of LA. It’s like being trapped in some kind of psychedelic multi-storey car park.
Planet Hollywood is further adorned with surprisingly feeble movie memorabilia. There’s a plasticky Terminator on guard outside.
Inside, the highlight is Ursula Andress’s bikini from Dr No — some shrivelled underwear rather deprived of point without the youthful Ursula inside it, as sorrowful as any fetishist’s prize trophy.
In boxy windows opening on to the side street — where you can see a Wagamama and yearn for its restraint — there are other odd bits of discarded kit. A James Bond gun, a Pierce Brosnan watch.
A meteorite from the Planet Krypton, Indiana Jones’s bullwhip, a Star Trek communicator.
Although you can’t take these prize items away with you, you can splash out at a merchandise booth, buying a Planet Hollywood baseball cap or keyring or a T-shirt at a fierce £16.95.
For this is, as the menu announces, “A Dining Experience Like No Other”.
The food is completely beside the point. It’s an entertainment centre, a cinema foyer worked up to the highest degree.
The service, well marshalled considering the size of the place, is American-obsequious, a hostess taking you to be seated, with effusive greetings on arrival and fond farewells on leaving — an out-of-towner’s idea of being made welcome.
There are balloons and birthday messages flashing up on the screens. So it’s for kids then? Thus also explaining the predictable menu of burgers, pizza, pasta, ribs, bangers and mash, fish and chips, brownies, cheesecakes, and the safe tastelessness of it all? Alas, no.
Though there are plenty of children dashing about, pressing wall-mounted computer screens and trying their hands in the handprints of the stars, there are also lots of grown-ups on their own. Very well grown up.
You know that thing you get in the supermarket of looking into other people’s trolleys, at the mega-fries and giant pies, and then raising your eyes to the shoppers, to find that they must have been regaling themselves on this choice regime for a good long time? It’s happening here big-time.
A room full of people doing what they didn’t oughta, eating yet more of the substances that have already led them far into the outsize ranges.
The cooking itself has nothing to be said for it. It is, inevitably on this scale, semi-industrial. Sugar has been put into places where you don’t want to find it. “Our World Famous Chicken Crunch” (£7.95) is a starter composed of strips of breast cooked in, dreadfully, “a crunchy, sweet coating”.
Even a serving of deep-fried crispy calamari (£8.95) in breadcrumbs came with a sickeningly sweet sauce of “thousand island dressing” — and only a useless, thin half slice of lemon as an alternative.
As part of its update, Planet Hollywood is supplementing the burgers — acceptable, if you like burgers — with new dishes “originally created at the Planet Dailies restaurant” in Las Vegas, such as “Chinese Bowls”.
Stir-fried beef and broccoli with white rice costs £12.95 and had little taste, apart from again being inappropriately sweet.
The over-large pieces of beef were a cheap cut, fibrous and chewy — and when some soy was requested, it was brought ceremoniously in a ramekin, as though it were a precious oddity. It was sad to think how close, and yet how far, Chinatown was.
Braver diners might well have assayed, say, the Turkey Avocado Tower (£12.50) — “mixed field greens topped with layers of turkey, bacon, avocado, bleu cheese, cucumbers and tomatoes with our ranch dressing” — but we didn’t.
Nor did we get stuck in to the double chocolate brownie with nuts “and our creamy vanilla ice cream smothered in hot fudge sauce” (£6.25). There seemed little point in advising ourselves.
What’s to be said for Planet Hollywood? You could develop a theory about how it shows how scant a relationship with stars people can still be excited by.
Something like that. The tyranny of mass culture. But, as Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling always wanted to know, why bother?
Details are correct at the time of publication - please check with venue before booking.
I must say Ive always loved Planet Hollywood. Suppose its natural being a film buff and independant film maker. Ive been to the restaurant in London and others around the world. Ive always enjoyed it...enjoying a decent steak and having a real Gremlin (Prop) sitting right next to you. Or how many resturants can you walk into and be greeted by the real Chucky! The atmosphere was always brilliant. It had something about it. Im totally gutted with the new restaurant. Disapointed. Standard has gone down and it just doesnt seem to have that ''soul'' about it. I hope to God the others dont get re vamped like this one. So Gutted. BRING BACK WHAT WE HAD AT TROCADERO!!!
- Killahbeed, Uk
I've been to planet hollywood many times, though not recently. The blackened shrimp was always a favourite but portion was small. Before sitting down we always used to have a couple of frozen margaritas, thats one thing they do very well, and after downing those, the experience of planet hollywood takes on a much more nicer aspect
- Rob, London
It seems that the majority of people commenting above have not actually BEEN to the new Planet Hollywood. I have! The decor is maybe not to everyone's taste, I'll say that; but I much prefer it to having tired, dusty 80's style relics hanging everywhere. The new store feels fresh and clean. I treated myself to a shrimp and steak - which really was very good quality, perfectly cooked and extremely tasty. The waitress was not only friendly, but very efficient and entertaining, rather than the don't-care attitude of the staff at TGI's.
I must make a response to Jargonaut's post above: a service charge is common-place in London - so this is not Planet Hollywood trying to make an extra buck. It's to encourage their (minimum-wage earning) staff to give service above and beyond what is expected, which my waitress certainly did. If all you want is someone to bring your food to the table, then go to Angus Steakhouse. The service charge is to show appreciation to the staff who have made your meal a joy. Lighten up and enjoy life!
- Actually Been, London, Uk
Been to PH's original London restaurant quite a few times (as well as other PHs' round the globe as I'm a themed restaurant fan) and really liked the atmosphere there.
Went to the new location at the weekend. Well, only really stayed about 6 minutes, then left. It's like a canteen. Like someone's got a big hall, stuck some tables and chairs in and called it a restaurant. It's awful. No atmosphere whatsoever. I wouldn't recommend it even if you liked the original. Just my option.
- Pb, London, UK
Planet Hell more like. Greasy burgers, chips, pizzas and chocolate cake. All washed down with a vat of Diet Coke.
I thought they went bust anyway?
- Paxton Pat, London
I treated my family and some friends to a meal in PH's previous location - and because ther were a few more than four of us they had the cheek to add ten percent on the bill !!
Think about the crazy logic of that. They wanted to change me ten percent extra because I had brought along a load of customer, generating more money for PH.
When I queried this with the waitress she said I didn't have to pay the additional amount ( which was substantial ), it was added on because of the number of people around the table. So if we had sat in two smaller groups at two tables, they wouldn't have charged me the extra.
I have never been back to this over-rated Wimpey Bar or watched, bought or rented a movie starring Stallone, Arnie or Bruce Willis since. Money-grabbing oiks.
- Jargonaut, South London
I can't believe anyone still frequents these 80's hangover places. Along with TGIF's and Angus Steakhouses they are relics. Only a tourist, too afraid to try anything but a chain would go into one of these.
- Melanie, milton keynes, bucks
Good heavens. With all the wonderful restaurants in London, why would anyone eat at Planet Hollywood? I went to one once in Singapore, not sure why, but remember that it was a horrible experience.
- Bill A, Buffalo, New York, USA
