Space Cadets 'lift off'

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Out of this world: one of the 'space tourists'

The first four of Channel 4's Space Cadets have boldly left Planet Earth to board shuttle Earth Orbiter One and experience lift-off.

The spoof space mission show used elaborate Hollywood-style special effects to dupe the would-be space tourists into believing they had enjoyed a short tour in the final frontier.

Bristol plasterer Paul even remarked how quick it was when, just 24 minutes after lift-off, the quartet officially became "astronauts".

The shuttle was purpose-built by Hollywood set designers from a Nasa blueprint, and last night saw the first four cadets - Paul, Billy, Keri and Charlie - greeted by Canadian pilot Drew Dawson and Russian co-pilot Yevgeni Evanovich, who made the essential final checks before lift-off.

Countdown began, but no sooner had they reached "one" than captain Drew announced they were experiencing power loss and that they would be "towed out" - which caused Kent recruitment consultant Billy to pipe up: "They are probably pushing it."

As they eventually began their ascent, Paul was beside himself, exclaiming: "This is f****** amazing... we are going so fast! This is a dream come true... thanks for choosing me."

His running commentary continued: "This is like Wish You Were Here - but on a spacecraft!"

And the excitable plasterer soon told the crew: "Five minutes and we're astronauts!"

Actor Charlie - the only one in on the elaborate hoax - assured them: "We are in good hands... the best of the best."

And even he seemed quite impressed with the launch, muttering under his breath: "I can't see how they'd think this isn't happening. We've been living in a virtual reality and there's no chink in the armour."

As the captain announced they were waiting for the Anti-Gravity Generators to "warm up", Paul seemed to suss the real problem, saying: "It feels like we're still on the ground!"

But the captain was quick to tell them: "There's no friction in space, that's why it's so smooth."

Earlier, the novice crew faced the world's media in a press conference - although, unbeknownst to them, it actually comprised actors and members of the show's production team posing as journalists.

The cadets described their shock and happiness at being selected to become Britain's first space tourists - except Charlie who felt it was "a clerical error".

Asked if any of them were planning on having sex in space, Billy admitted he "couldn't say no", although he quickly changed his mind when college administrator Keri said she wouldn't.

And when asked how they would greet an alien, Paul came up with a simple solution. Apparently, when faced with an extra-terrestrial, he said he would greet them with a kiss.

 

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