EVERYONE is pitching in to help Manchester United win the title - even the Rugby Football League


TUCK in to the Emirates takeaway buffet - it's all free


WEST Ham ready to pay £3m to Ljungberg just to sit there in his pants

I get it that United are the best team with the best players and they are probably the best club and play the best football.

• Yesterday's HATCHET MAN

I understand all that, that they are a better advert for the English game than Chelsea.

But I didn't expect Premier League clubs to be so obviously agreeable to that.

Firstly, West Ham are 3-1 down against ten men and decide not to shoot, staying with one striker up front.

VIDEO: Yes it's 36 years ago and in black and white - but this IS a muddy pitch - and a cup classic involving Ron Harris & Co

Then Wigan, whose pitch has been the worst in the Premier League all season, suddenly lay on a red carpet welcome for the leaders by giving them a green baize of a surface to play on this Sunday.

While Chelsea – and the rest – had to play on a pitch resembling something from the 1970's and fit for Ron Harris & Co, Wigan have moved a rugby league game from Friday to Monday, so as to give United's top players the best surface available to play on.

With the ex-Manchester United captain Steve Bruce as manager, the odds are already stacking up against Avram Grant's team, but this is becoming too much.

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In the mean time, star midfielder Antonio Valencia is being liked with United at a convenient time.

Nobody mentioned him in the same month as United before, but with the game coming up and Valencia as Wigan's most likely chance of causing an upset, he's suddenly on their radar, as if to say: "Let us win and we might sign you."

Yeah, right.

If I was a Chelsea fan (thankfully I'm not), I'd wonder if there is a conspiracy here.

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More news from the madhouse at West Ham: Stories that Freddie Ljungberg has been offered £3million not to play next season.

Freddie, whose best display in the last few years has been in those Calvin Klein pants adverts, was given a four-year deal by the hopeless Hammers.

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That means he is entitled to (and sit down before you read this bit) just under £12million for the full payment of his £3.9million-a-year contract.

Why should he accept their offer of termination? He could just sit there and make them suffer. It's what they deserve. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to see that Ljungberg left Arsenal for West Ham for one thing – and it wasn't pie and mash.

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Strong stuff from agent Pini Zahavi, who says Avram Grant has been given a rough ride in England because he's Jewish. The thought never occurred to me. Though it did occur to me that he was dull, uninspiring, couldn't win big matches, dressed for work like an undertaker and drew 1-1 at home to Wigan. Oh and he's no Jose Mourinho.

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Then, he started winning those big games, found a settled team ... and suddenly none of the above counted for very much and we all started to learn to love him.

It doesn't matter where he is born, what his faith is and how admirable his strong beliefs, winning games is the clue here.

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Kevin Keegan has been called into a meeting with Mike Ashley to discuss his comments about Newcastle's lack of hope of attacking the big clubs. Was he realistic or was he stupid? Either way – as regular Hatchet readers will know – this one will end in tears.

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Sven won't take the Benfica job. He'll use it to wait for a bigger opportunity and will only return to Portugal – a second rate league like Scotland – if nobody else wants him.

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Judging by the look of the pitch at the Luzhniki Stadium, venue for the all-English Champions League Final, all is not well.

They are having to re-lay the surface for a second time after tearing up that famous plastic pitch where England lost in the Euro 2008 qualifiers.

Mark my words, the losers will be moaning about the bitch of a pitch all the way up to collect their silver medals.

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I am liking the Rangers centre back, Spaniard Carlos Cuellar, who has already interested Newcastle (not big enough) and Tottenham (not big enough).

Arsenal are looking for a commanding centre half and the £3million signing from Osasuna looks the part to Hatchet.

Watch him in the UEFA Cup Final next week ... and then watch him head for the Emirates if the deal is right. It might take £10million though.

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Some (more) criticism for Arsene Wenger for allowing the money-grabbing Matthieu Flamini to leave for Italy – and now talk that Alexander Hleb may also head to Milan, this time to Inter.

What can Wenger do to stop this manipulation of the transfer market?

Both players have improved since working with him and Arsenal's pass and pass again style has helped their reputations abroad and so now they want to cash in.

What's new?

The vultures are circling ... anyone for Emmanuel Adebayor too?

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Wag of the week

We're off abroad again this week ... for the wife of legendary Italian defender Alessandro Costacurta, Martina Colombari.