Fulham looking up but abysmal Birmingham facing the drop

'Go on, have some,' he insisted. Er, no thanks. Each to their own and all that, but Fayed was entitled to some merriment. Fulham, it appears, are on the up.

Dressed in an exceptional sartorial ensemble, presumably inspired by the Technicolour Dreamcoat, and accompanied by his Formula One buddy Flavio Briatore, Fulham's outlandish chairman was in his element.

Any dream will do, especially after the Lawrie Sanchez era. Flush from his first-ever team talk and promising Harrods hampers filled with caviar, smoked salmon and unlimited bottles of 1995 Krug to his players if Fulham escape relegation,they duly beat Birmingham City.

Aside from the fact that Fayed could have rounded up 11 players off nearby Bishops Park and still beaten Birmingham on Saturday, Fulham are in the clear. Just.

'It's God helping us,' he claimed. 'I told the players a lot of things before the game. I got them fired up. They are fighting all the time and I'm very grateful to them. I have promised each of them a hamper — £5,000 worth — full of caviar and smoked salmon.'

Generous guy, but staying at the top of the food chain is all that counts. Everyone knows that. Roy Hodgson has done a remarkable job in recent weeks, steering his side to their first away victory in 20 months when Brian McBride and Erik Nevland inflicted maximum damage on Reading and finally escaping the relegation zone on Saturday, courtesy of the same two goalscorers.

Craven Cottage was wired to the National Grid, with 25,000 Fulham supporters chanting raucously on a tension filled afternoon alongside the Thames.

The team obliged and now it is down to 90 nervous minutes at Fratton Park on Sunday.

Bite your nails; someone — Reading, or even Birmingham — could still bite them on the backside. Jimmy Bullard knows that. Staying up means everything to this warrior and the same can be said of the manager.

'I said to him the other day "sod being a manager, Roy, with all these pressures" but he loves it,' said Bullard.

'People say he is old school, but he is a top manager and his c.v. is fantastic.'

Oh, no, not another airing of the time he managed Internazionale? Mercifully not.

'He has taken on a side who were heading for relegation,' added Bullard. 'If he gets us out of it, he will be known as a great manager. He's great with the players, he doesn't take any crap and he doesn't tell you any crap. He is a football man.'

Now a football man is in with a fighter's chance. Fulham travel to Portsmouth knowing that victory will secure their status in the Barclays Premier League for an eighth successive season. Anything less and it will depend on Reading or Birmingham. In other words, they have little to fear.

Birmingham were abysmal, lacking urgency and looking every inch a team destined for the Championship. Fulham flattered them in the first half, but the result was never in doubt once inspirational figure McBride scored his 40th goal in his club's colours.

Now the team with brittle bones must beat Blackburn at St Andrew's on Sunday and hope Portsmouth can do them an almighty favour. Don't bank on it.

'I'd love the game against Blackburn to be in a couple of days to get it out of our system, but they will need the rest to get the legs razor sharp,' admitted McLeish.

'I've still got big plans for the club, but there is team-building to be done and that's not done overnight. The young players have been superb for us and we will be needing our experienced boys next week to show why they have been playing in the Premier League for five or six years. Our players should believe. They are entitled to believe, but it's the frailties of the human mind.'

They were a bag of nerves at Craven Cottage. Now they need nerves of steel.