Harmison: Maybe I'm fighting a bit too hard to put it right

I could seek to assure you that everything is about to come right; that the answers are all at my fingertips.

But I won't because it is not in my nature to be dishonest. The fact is, at the minute I'm battling. I'm working hard and, whatever some might say about my focus, desire or determination, I'm completely committed to bowling well for my country.

Anyone who thinks I don't care, that I'm distracted by the birth of my son, Charlie, or by thoughts of my family 11,000 miles away, I hear you. But you are wrong.

Anyone who says that the time has come to get rid of Steve Harmison and move on, well I understand that is how sport works, I understand your frustration, I know your patience is wearing thin.

But I am convinced I have a lot more to offer England at Test cricket. I'm certainly not walking away. Sure, I've said things about missing my family and how important my wife, Hayley, and our four fantastic kids are to me.

Family is the most important thing in my life. My desire to spend more time with them was at the root of my decision to quit one-day internationals, and by doing so I hoped to achieve the balance to extend my Test career.

My honest assessment is that after raising the level of expectation so high in 2004 and 2005, taking an England Test record of 67 wickets in one year, being part of that incredible Ashes winning experience and, in the process, reaching No 1 in world cricket, the longer I go without living up to it, the more pressure I put myself under.

And the harder I try to get back to that level in one big leap, rather than small steps, the worse things can go.

I'm not asking for sympathy. I've been on the field watching Ryan Sidebottom take a fantastic hat-trick and feel privileged to have had the opportunity.

I don't want special treatment. I've just got to keep working, keep fighting and keep trying. But maybe a little less hard from now on might help.