I feared for my Test place, says Harmison

Harmison, playing in South Africa to prove his fitness and form under the watchful eye of England bowling coach and Durham team-mate Ottis Gibson, ended the first innings of Highveld Lions' match with Cape Cobras in Paarl sadly convinced he was still way short Test standard.

Despite figures of 6-91, he was so concerned about his form — '80 per cent good balls,20 per cent rubbish' — that he was preparing himself to tell England they would be better off without him,or allowing Gibson to do it for him.

And when he began his second innings yesterday with a 10-ball over — including two no-balls and a wide — to add to the 23 extras he had sent down at the first time of asking, bowler and coach were not the only ones fearing the worst.

But Harmison's mood was lifted through the clouds of self-doubt yesterday by a vastly improved display thereafter in a spell of 16 overs in which he took all three wickets in the Cobras' second innings. So much so that, sitting on overnight match figures of 9-135, he said: 'It was like chalk and cheese. Two different bowlers.

'I don't mind admitting I was very worried after my first-innings bowling.Whatever the figures said, I wasn't fooling anyone. "Six for kicks" looks great but it wasn't very good and I felt I had a huge amount to do before I could consider playing Test cricket in the near future.

'I was very rusty. At one stage it was either a wide or a wicket. My action was all over the oche and that dented my confidence a bit.

'There was no rhythm or momentum. Not much felt right at all, in fact. Inside I knew that if my bowling didn't improve and fast I'd be struggling and there just might not be enough time to get things right. Don't get me wrong. I love playing for England and I'm desperate to do so as soon as possible. I'm the one who instigated coming out here in the first place because I wanted to give myself the best chance of being fit and ready.

'But there is no way I would jeopardise England's cause or my reputation by pleading with them to pick me if I'm not anywhere near ready to play Test cricket. My thinking was that if the bowling didn't get better I would tell them I wasn't ready.

'Then, when the first over of the second innings took 10 balls, I thought: "Here we go again". But after that things just clicked. Thanks to the work I had done with Ottis, my wrist position was much better and the ball was coming out straight.After the way I had felt before it was a helluva relief.'

And some change on the postcard he was about to send coach Peter Moores and returning skipper Michael Vaughan as they prepared to fly to Sri Lanka on Thursday. Harmison knows the matter of whether he joins the squad is still far from settled.

Coach Moores, speaking at a celebration of the Sky Sports ECB coach education programme in Loughbrough, said: 'It is such a short tour that we have to be absolutely on the money from day one. So if it were the case that he's not quite ready, it would be better to say: "OK, let's wait".'

But at least after his first-innings horrors Harmison now actually believes he has a real chance of being ready.And that may turn out to be more than half the battle.