MASCHERANO will dance to Makelele's tune - Liverpool haven't a prayer against revenge-seeking Chelsea


18 reasons why Tottenham's defence is only just better than Derby's


THIS "Arsenal kids" myth has gone on longer than their trophyless run

May 3, 2005: lost 1-0 to a dodgy Luis Garcia goal.

Poor old Chelsea have had it tough in Champions League semi-finals against their Red rivals from Merseyside. But tonight will be different. Chelsea will prevail over the two-legged affair and under-seige Avram will lay the ghost of Jose to rest.

• Yesterday's HATCHET MAN

Trust me, when have you known me be wrong?

Here's why...

1. This time the second leg is at Stamford Bridge

Anfield is a fortress on European nights and the noise cascading down the Kop cascades down on the players. Intimidating it may be, but when the heat is really on in this tie, the action will be at the Bridge, where Chelsea haven't lost all season. And, more importantly, haven't looked like doing so once.

2. Rafa's rotation policy is powerless against the referee's notebook

Captain Steven Gerrard, vice-skipper Jamie Carragher and full-back Fabio Aurelio are all walking the disciplinary tightrope tonight.

One ill-timed tackle, a protest too far or – dare I say it – a blatant act of simulation (Stevie G, ahem, cough, cough) and Konrad Plautz of Austria will have a yellow card out quicker than Lamps in pursuit of a doughnut.

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You wouldn't fancy a Liverpool without Carra or Stevie G – or, God forbid, both – to grind out a result in the second leg, would you?

3. Claude Makelele

Eight Champions League semi-finals. Chelsea have the grand-daddy of European football available to boss the game. Watch and learn, Javier Mascherano – the mak is what you're aiming at.

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4. The power of Sky

The Blues were most certainly moody about playing at Everton on Thursday but Chelsea are rested and relaxed to the tune of almost two extra days. And they're still very much in the title race.

5. Third time lucky

Two crushing semi-final defeats have left Chelsea hell-bent on revenge. Nevermind, Lamps's "Revenge is a dangerous emotion to tag to a football match because it's important you play with a cool head.

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And those previous games will have no bearing on this season's games," the Blues are out for R-E-V-E-N-G-E and I, for one, would like to see them get it.

Can't wait for tonight? Get your chops round this slice of yesteryear...

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Ledley King, Jonathan Woodgate, Michael Dawson, Younes Kaboul, Pascal Chimbonda, Gareth Bale, Alan Hutton, Tom Huddlestone, Didier Zokora, Teemu Tainio, Lee Young-Pyo, Anthony Gardner, Jamie O'Hara, Chris Gunter, Gilberto, Ricardo Rocha, Paul Stalteri and Benoit Assou-Ekotto.

That's 18 players Tottenham have used in their "defence" over the course of the Premier League season.

No wonder they've leaked 58 goals (only Reading and Derby have conceded more).

Add in Paul Robinson's woeful form and you can see why Spurs have been closer to the Championship than the Champions League this season.

Note for next season Juande. Clear out the dross, buy a couple of defenders (not £16m strikers) - and pray King, Woodgate, Hutton and Bale stay fit.

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Back to David James' Observer column ...

Fans of Derby (probably Fulham and one of Birmingham, Reading or Bolton) will have enjoyed what England's "only 1" revealed was the real motivatation for footballers in the relegation battle: "People worry that their girlfriends will not hang around anymore now that the invites to film premieres have dried up."

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It would be naive to think any top level player gives two hoots about supporters but the the fact that James admits "stars" are even thinking about whether their latest WAG will still be interested if they're relegated is a truly depressing admission.

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Well done Neil "Colin" Warnock. Since his appointment in October, Crystal Palace have lost fewer games than any other club in the Championship (6) and have collected just two fewer points than West Brom, Stoke and Hull.

Warnock's beloved Sheffield United should not have been relegated in 2007.

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If West Ham had been in mid-table, the Premier League would have followed their own rules and deducted West Ham points for fielding two players they did not own.

But because the bubble blowers were fighting relegation the Premier League bottled it big time. Justice most certainly wasn't done.

The fact that Carlos Tevez was the inspiration behind West Ham's remarkable end of season run just rubbed salt into the wound.

It would be no consolation for Sheffield United's fans but Hatchet I would love to see Warnock get another crack at the big time - and hopefully take six points off those lucky, lucky Hammers.

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Sticking with West Ham ... Despite lavishing millions in transfers fees and astronimical wages on ageing, injury-prone players, Alan Curbishley is being linked with Newcastle's ageing, injury (and error) prone full-back Stephen Carr.

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Every week Curbs trots out the same old excuses about West Ham's injury list, yet refuses to accept the stricken players were all his purchases.

Who's next Alan? Louis Saha, Ledley King and Harry Kewell?

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Following Arsenal's win against the mighty Reading - their second in nine Premier League games (the other three points coming against brilliant Bolton), Arsene Wenger came out with this pearl: "If this young team stays together it can have a great future."

Anyone else getting bored of this myth about Arsenal's "kids"? They seem to have been young for about five years now.

Here are some of the "kids" who played at the Emirates on Saturday: Lehmann - 38, Toure - 27, Gallas - 30, Gilberto - 31, Adebayor - 24, Van Persie - 24, Hleb - 27.

Fabregas, Clichy, Walcott (8 PL starts this season) and Song (2 PL starts this season) can still be considered youngsters but for Wenger to continually drone on about how young and inexperienced Arsenal are is insulting to anyone in possession of a functioning brain.

Let's also not forget Eduardo (25), Rosicky (27), Eboue (25), Almunia (30), Flamini (24).

If we're comparing them to pensioners, then yes, they're kids. Otherwise, it's time to bury the "Arsenal kids" myth.

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Last week it was Steven Gerrard, this week it's Wayne Rooney. To suggest it's just the foreign imports who try con referees is deeply unfair. Are there any honest players left out there?