NANI state - Wenger hates him, Fergie slates him but is he United's new Ronaldo?


LIVERPOOL fans - Rafa spent £46m on losing at home to Barnsley, not the Yanks


HURRY back to Upton Park, Frank ... Hammers fans have something for you

Even Sir Fergie felt the lad's audacity was a bit over the top and said: "We've had a word with him about it."

• Friday's HATCHET MAN

Yep, I know the boy was risking mutilation. But this sort of thing is what fans pay to see. It's called entertainment!

A way ahead ... but Justin Hoyte joined the long list of Arsenal players who cut the juggling Nani down in his prime at Old Trafford

Criticising him for it is like Simon Cowell admonishing one of his talent show hopefuls for being able to dance and sing at the same time.

A bit of merciless taunting to celebrate victory is the bullfighter's final flourish. I don't remember Wenger being so queasy when Thierry Henry was lording it over all and sundry.

Every Scot over 45 talks about seeing Jim Baxter's "wee bit of keepy uppy" the day they downed world champions England in 1967.

And we should all marvel at the "seal dribble" by the Brazilian, Kerlon, that makes Nani look like a part-timer, so outrageous it brought back memories of Rene Higuita's "scorpion kick" for Colombia at Wembley all those years ago.

Take a long at this compilation of the best showboating and I defy you not to enjoy it.

• Showboating footballers? We love 'em...

Hatchet Man loves a full-blooded 50-50 ... but let's hear it for the showboat, too. If you've got it, flaunt it, baby.

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On the subject of Nani ... have United found the new Ronaldo, just for when their star turn takes his tricks to Madrid or Milan?

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Pitch battle: Old Trafford

Arsene Wenger on the Old Trafford pitch: "It's a disgrace. Players worth £25million cannot make a pass without the ball bouncing."

Maybe that's why Fergie is happy to play in Dubai or Hong Kong.

At least they have pitches you can play on, rather than a cow field of a surface.

It is a disgrace that Manchester United cannot get it right.

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Swiftly moving to Anfield and Liverpool are doing their best impression of Newcastle.

They have become a joke this season. Heard the one about the manager who spent £46million and still complains about a lack of investment?

... Or the one about a manager who can't decide on his best line-up and then loses to a team who have won only once away from home all season?

... Or the one about the manager who needs to win a trophy, but can now only win the Champions League (and they play Serie A leaders Inter Milan this week)?

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Why couldn't they have given me more money? Perhaps £50m would have helped Benitez's Liverpool see off a Barnsley side with just one away win since the abolition of slavery

But he sends out a makeshift team against Barnsley, without his best goalkeeper, best midfielder and best striker and still the Liverpool fans blame the American owners.

Benitez is to blame. He doesn't understand the English game and they should have appointed Martin O'Neill when they had the chance.

They won't win the Champions League and he should be sacked the moment they are out to give a new manager the chance to build for next season.

Liverpool managers should be judged on their performances in the league and Benitez is fifth (one place below Everton).

Time to go.

The Hatchet Man has spoken.

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Shout it out: Pearce (left) has a different style to Motson

John Motson might be on his last legs but will anyone still be listening if his job as the Beeb's No 1 is given to Jonathan Pearce, who shouts and screeches his way through his commentary?

Listening to him reminds me of my ex. It's a painful experience.

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THE GOOD

• Barnsley captain, Brian Howard, for his winning goal at Liverpool and his outstanding, ground-covering performance.

• Radio 5 Live for its excellent Saturday sports coverage. Why would anyone listen to anything else?

• Unfashionable clubs in the last eight of the FA Cup. Hello romance.

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What a moment: Barnsley skipper Brian Howard celebrates his winner against Liverpool

THE BAD

• Emmanuel Adebayor diving. No, no, no! Drogba wasn't respected until he cut it out and now Adebayor is at it. There is no need. It might have cost him his Footballer of the Year trophy. He's lost my vote.

• Mark Halsey is a hopeless referee. Red card at Coventry? Ban him for bringing the game into disrepute.

• Frank Lampard in his vest "100 not out - they are all for you". West Ham fans can barely wait for Sat March 1 when they will no doubt have something for him.

Vested interest: Lampard can expect a warm welcome at Upton Park