Personal praise can't numb the anguish of our collective defeat

While I am proud of how I performed in the Second Test in Pretoria having waited 12 years for the chance to pull on the famous red jersey, the overwhelming emotion is one of bitter disappointment that we have lost the series, despite playing some outstanding rugby.

I hoped I would never have to again endure the dreadful feelings I experienced after losing the 2007 World Cup Final to South Africa in Paris, but the immediate aftermath of Saturday's loss was eerily reminiscent of that same kind of desolation; knowing something special had been within your grasp and it had been snatched away.

If I am truthful, there aren't any words to sum up the way I felt after the final whistle.

This is my last Lions tour and the realisation I won't get another chance to help contribute to winning a series is gut wrenching and probably explains why I was unusually emotional in public after the match as I found myself welling up during a television interview.

I really felt a huge emotional pressure building up to the match, something I had never experienced in my career.

I found it hard to sleep for two nights because of the excitement and then I received more than 100 texts from well-wishers, some were messages sent by close friends and others came in from people I knew 10 years ago and hadn't spoken to in that period.

They were all saying that I deserved this recognition and I was thinking: "If I don't perform, I am going to look a right prat!" I wanted to do myself justice and was very calm just before kick off and confident about what I could bring to the game.

I spoke to my wife Jane on the eve of the match and she told me about all the publicity my selection had generated and gave me the instructions "don't mess it up" and "don't give any penalties away!"

Knowing that family and friends are giving you so much support and backing meant it was impossible not to get emotional.

No-one in the Lions squad is blaming Ronan O'Gara for giving away the penalty which Morne Steyn kicked to win the series for South Africa with the final act of the Second Test.

We should not have allowed the Springboks to get into the position to win it with a single kick and it's not about one player, it is a collective responsibility.

I didn't see the Schalk Burger incident which has seen him banned for eight weeks but everyone in the sport abhors gouging.

It has no place in the game, which is hard enough without this kind of incident.

We are currently on safari north of Rustenburg and this is a welcome distraction after the intensity of the Pretoria Test and will allow everyone to take a deep breath and think about all we have achieved in such a short space of time.

We have created a fantastic spirit, are united as a squad and fiercely determined to leave this country having won at least one Test match.

Packing down at tighthead against the "Beast" was not something I had planned to be doing, but due to the move to uncontested scrums I was volunteered to join the front row.

It happened to me during my days with Bristol when I really did have to play tighthead in a match for 50 minutes and my back took a whole week to recover!

The uncontested scrums really hurt our cause because the Springboks were struggling with fatigue because we made them work so hard in this area and it had a real impact on the match.

We wanted to keep putting pressure on their pack and tire them out but it wasn't possible.

The bottom line is the series is over, but having earned respect from the locals, we don't want to be left with a 3-0 result after all the effort we have put in.