RIO offers the Bobby Moore touch as opposed to Terry's school of Vinnie violence


HOW can Spurs push for Europe when they're always in the bottom half of the table?


WELL done Becks on reaching 100 - now clear off and let us build for the future

I, for one, have never been comfortable with a big, aggressive hard man as England captain. What does it say about us that we need a bully to lead our team? Time we had a little more Bobby Moore and a little less Vinnie Jones.

• Yesterday's HATCHET MAN

OK, so Rio has not always been the perfect role model, but everyone deserves a second chance. He has taken his punishment for his transgressions, served his time, and listening to him at yesterday's press conference, you got the feeling that this could really be the making of him.

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"I think I've realised the responsibility that comes with being a professional footballer," he said. "It took me a long time, but I think I've grasped that now."

Good for you, Rio – now don't let us down.

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As Stephen Fry once said, there are two types of people in this world – those who divide the world into two types of people, and those who don't.

Well, when it comes to our national game, Hatchet Man is quite happy to plant his flag firmly in the second camp. There are quite clearly two types of football supporter in this country - those who give a gnat's nadgers about England and those who don't.

And, it has to be said, the ones who don't seem more and more to have the right idea. You see, Hatchet used to be an England fan. But England went and spoiled it. By being rubbish.

Now, I'm as patriotic as the next man – you can't be a Morris dancer and not love England – but who can say hand on heart that watching our national side in recent years has become something other than a torturous, not to say humiliating, experience.

I would dearly love to start enjoying watching England again, but for that to happen I have to do one thing – stop caring.

You can't stop caring about your club, as we all know, mostly to our cost, but wouldn't life be a little more cheery if we could all treat England internationals the way the players do – as a welcome break from the proper stuff. They don't much care, so why should we?

The trouble with England is that the people running the national team still think they can hoodwink the rest of us into believing they're any good. This week we've heard how Fabio Capello is starting off on a campaign to "have a run at winning the 2010 World Cup."

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This is a team who couldn't finish among the top 16 in Europe. Never mind having a runs at World Cups, lads, let's concentrate on getting past Andorra on September 6 first.

So come on, join me in watching England tonight with our newfound carefree attitude, safe in the knowledge that we no longer really care whether they win or lose – we'll save all the angst and heartache for our clubs next weekend.

That way we can have a great time supporting our side and the next time they let us down (on penalties, no doubt) we won't have to pick ourselves up off the floor again.

Other countries can do it, so why not us? It'll be just like supporting Scotland, only without the crap beer.

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Incidentally (sound of throat being cleared), mind if I get a particular bugbear off my chest?

If you're going to the game in Paris, can you please try to remember that the last line of the National Anthem is God save THE Queen, not God save OUR Queen?

A small matter, I know, but it is the National Anthem, for God's sake.

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Another hot topic which has crossed Hatchet's radar this week is a perceived revival at White Hart Lane. There is talk of a "push for Europe" under the leadership of Juande Ramos.

Yeah, right. Juande soon, maybe, but not quite yet.

Come back when you're in the top half of the table, guys.

(CLARIFICATION - Yes, Spurs are in the UEFA Cup through Carling Cup victory, but the point being made is they are a long way off from getting their through the front door of the Premier League - hence the comment about being in the lower half of the table. But the confusion was the fault of this column and your points are valid)

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Final thoughts on "Grand Slam Sunday": Hatchet's only gripe is with all the talk about the Big Four. I counted them over and over again but could only find three.

Unless, maybe, some people were mistakenly including Liverpool, probably because of their exploits on the Continent in recent years.

If you want to know why that doesn't make them one of the Big Four, try asking any Liverpool fan. They couldn't care less about winning the Champions League – been there, done that, bought the programme and put it on eBay along with all those Munich memorial scarves.

Liverpool, as we're all constantly reminded, are at home in European competition, and seem to have no trouble taking on Johnny Foreigner and beating him at his own game (so at home, in fact, that even when they don't actually qualify for the tournament, UEFA feel obliged to let them have a go anyway).

No, what the Koppites want is to see their side winning the League title. And let's be honest, they look as likely to do that as, well, Everton.

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Sunday's Merseyside derby is Liverpool's biggest game this season, never mind playing against one of the Big Three. Defeat at home to their nearest rivals would see the two clubs swap places, and who would bet on Liverpool regaining fourth spot before the end of the campaign?

Do they look to you like the kind of side who are ready to roll their sleeves up and scrap for every point?

Big Four? At the risk of repeating myself, I counted only three on Sunday: Brown (34), Ronaldo (79), Nani (81).

Football needs more teams who can compete with the big boys, but Liverpool have had long enough. It's time to move over and let someone else have a go.

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Rio's rehabilitation makes you think there's hope for us all. Paul Jewell for next England manager, anyone?

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Unfortunately we can't bring you the latest video featuring Paul Jewell, but we can draw you attention to this clip of one of the great heroes of our time – and David Beckham.

He keeps his head when all around are losing theirs

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Interesting to hear Beckham making sure we're all aware that he's not just here to win his 100th cap and then retire.

Becks has been a great servant to England, and thoroughly deserves his night of celebration for what is a truly impressive milestone.

Thanks, David, and congratulations. Now go away and leave us to build a team for the future.

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Hatchet Man and his mates (yes, I have mates) have watched this excerpt from The Mitchell and Webb Show over and over again. Frankly, we don't see what's so funny.

Grand Slam Sunday? Not quite...