Shoaib whimpers as Surrey go down after a winless season

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Surrey plummeted to their inevitable relegation amid shambolic scenes at The Oval on Thursday as Nottinghamshire emerged from the Division One pack to move into what could be a decisive position in the championship race.

One of the most disastrous seasons in Surrey’s proud history reached its miserable denouement the moment Lancashire took the ninth Kent wicket at Liverpool, making it impossible for them to escape a drop that has seemed on the cards throughout their winless championship summer.

Overpaid and out: Shoaib Akhtar is dismissed in suitably comical fashion

At that very moment the ludicrous Shoaib Akhtar was making his theatrical way to the wicket in his latest attempt to justify Surrey’s decision to hand him around £15,000 to play in their last two matches.

Shoaib had earlier collapsed while batting like a Premier League striker in the penalty area after top-edging an attempted pull off Andre Adams into his neck, managing to hit his wicket in the process, before bowling 10 innocuous overs punctuated by bizarre yelps of pain or indignation. What a way counties find to spend the money generated for them by the England team.

Shoaib, who has taken a solitary wicket in his latest excursion into English cricket, was not the only Surrey player to be injured on the second day of a match dominated by Notts.

Jon Batty broke the middle finger of his left hand taking a delivery from lively debutant Stuart Meaker who, along with Lee Hodgson, has at least provided Surrey with hope. Batty had to leave for hospital while a call was sent out to Malden wicketkeeper Dan Euston to deputise.

While Surrey capitulated, Notts took maximum bonus points and moved into a position from where they will surely win their penultimate match, putting pressure on Somerset and Durham to do the same, thanks to a stand of 242 from Mark Wagh and Samit Patel.

Patel hit 12 fours and six sixes in a superb 135 on the ground where he took five wickets in a one-day international for England against South Africa last month in this breakthrough season for him.