SIR ALEX'S rapid departure is far from sensitive scheduling


MORE Newcastle comedy capers with the Tyne and Wear Potato Pickers AmDram Society


AND Berbatov's barnet is simply tragic at Tottenham

• Read Friday's Hatchet job here

We all know the tragedy is the defining moment in United's history, and we all understand that there was concern about the potential for some City supporters to defile the occasion. But City have a stake in any Munich remembrance by virtue of geography, of Frank Swift's name on the list of those who died and of the fact that Matt Busby played more than 200 games for them.

It was reasonable to remind them of this, give them a central role in the proceedings and expect their fans to behave like grown-ups.

Club and supporters played their parts brilliantly and were rewarded with a first win at Old Trafford since Denis Law hung his head in remorse after that backheel, 34 years ago.

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So tell us about your relief, Sir Alex. Tell us how your disappointment in defeat takes a back seat to gratitude to City and their supporters for preserving the dignity of the occasion.

Hello? Sir Alex?

Oh dear. It seems Sir Alex had to dash to the airport to catch a flight to South Africa in order to promote United's summer tour there. Yes, on this weekend of all weekends.

Well there's sensitive scheduling for you.

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John Carew might have turned in the most eye-catching performance at Villa Park - although the Newcastle defence ran him close with their impersonation of asthmatic penguins - but didn't Michael Owen look interested?

Injuries aside, motivation must be hard to come by when you're football's equivalent of an Oscar winner condemned to an extended run with the Tyne and Wear Potato Pickers AmDram Society. Then along comes a new England manager who refuses to swoon over your blockbuster past, says it's the here and now that counts with him and leaves you staring at the back of his head for 90 minutes at Wembley. Do you:

a) Get all Thierry Henry about it and mope around the place looking like you'd rather be anywhere else?

b) Throw yourself into your work and show you've still got what it takes?

I think we're seeing b), don't you?

And once you've digested that chunk of cod psychology, consider how Mark Viduka will react to the Messiah keeping him on the bench at Villa. I'm betting he's more of an a) kind of guy.

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Most startling sight of the weekend: Eric Cartman (of South Park fame) coming on as a substitute for Sunderland and looking the classiest player on the pitch. Andy Reid - for it was he - could turn out to be an astute signing, assuming Keano can close down the pork scratchings supply lines. Whether in the middle or, as on Saturday, wide left - hell, wide everywhere - Reid still possesses beautiful touch. For a big man, of course.

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Football players and personal responsibility rarely go together - it's always somebody else's fault, isn't it? - but Alan Stubbs has spent his career giving the impression of being more thoughtful, dignified and honest than the herd. Maybe a successful battle against cancer gives you that sense of perspective.

So it was disappointing to see the Derby defender sarcastically applaud ref Martin Atkinson when his handball against Spurs resulted in the traditional award of a penalty. I guess that's what playing alongside Robbie Savage does to you.

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I'm sure club physios get very attached to their charges, but is it possible to get a little too involved?

VIDEO: Medic is team's last line of defence

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On hearing inflammatory nonsense from football folk it's tempting to weigh in with cutting and destructive remarks. I always succumb - what would be the point of a Hatchet that wasn't cutting and destructive?

Which brings me to Alan Curbishley, whose enjoyment of the national game is obviously being curtailed by those airbags deployed around his eyes. Curbs couldn't see anything to justify the penalty awarded to Birmingham after James McFadden was molested by Lucas Neill, although the rest of us might have thought the only alternative route to justice would be a sexual harassment claim.

Can I suggest a spot of cosmetic surgery to reduce that puffiness, Curbs? I have just the instrument...

••••••

Respect to: goalkeepers Robert Green for the self-deprecating humour (England's No 6) on his gloves; and David James for another blinding performance followed by the second-best keeper's column in the national Press.

Scorn for: Dimitar Berbatov and Dean Leacock, whose headgear brought Ena Sharples and Hilda Ogden to mind. It's obvious that Berbatov's hairline is receding; why doesn't he just get an honest haircut?