Sporting Miscellanies

Keen students of Sky Sports' fulsome pre-match analyses will have noted an omission from the preamble to the game at Stamford Bridge. No one mentioned any potential impact the claims about his less than priestly father Ted dealing cocaine might have on John Terry's performance. Richard Keys and the gang can't have doubted the allegations, since they were made by Sky stablemate The News of the World. Yet they preferred to overlook a trauma that might have affected JT's form at the back as he led what it seems indelicate to call the line. In the end he did all right and scored the winner, so perhaps they were right. Yet giving something so newsworthy such a wide berth looked like further evidence that Sky regards itself less as the Premier League's chief chronicler than their public relations supremo.

Terry's the man to put Terrys on small screen

The irony with JT, of course, is he was recently named celebrity Dad of the Year in a poll when, what with mother Sue cautioned for shoplifting in April and now this, it's his status as son that catches the eye. But hey, when life gives you lemons, as that underrated football pundit Joan Collins likes to say, make lemonade! A drama series based on the Terrys' one-clan crimewave looks a winner. If Shameless writer Paul Abbott is busy, they could hire Terry Venables. Tel hasn't been involved in any London-based TV crime caper since Hazel, and must be ready for a comeback. So long as there's a huge pay off written into his contract should he leave the project before its completion.

Sea Monster' rematch wouldn't be box office

Warm congratulations to David Haye on taking Nikolai Valuev's WBA heavyweight title. As to whether he strictly earned that majority decision I'm sceptical, although God knows how you score a fight in which about four punches landed in 12 indescribably statuesque rounds? It's true that the talented David wobbled the sea monster with a left hook late on, but for two judges to make him a four-round winner seemed very convenient. There is already a rematch being mooted. One thing is not in doubt. If David vs Goliath II does go ahead, £14.63 will be a ridiculous price. Sky Box Office will have to pay us a great deal more than that to watch.

I've went' mad over Al

The Sunday Mirror exclusively reports that Alan Shearer wishes to depart the Match of the Day sofa for another crack at management and "will throw his hat in to the football jobs market with immediate effect". Before he posts the application letters, he must consider an EFL (English as a Foreign Language) course. Referring to Wolves' goal attempts against Arsenal on Saturday's show, Mr Shearer said: "If one of those has went in . . . " Gary Lineker hasn't spent 25 years painstakingly moulding himself into the first properly middle-class footballer England produced to have to sit there nodding appreciatively at that.