WHAT has Shearer done to earn the tag 'great manager in waiting'?


WHY FABIO may be interested to hear Mrs Cole's account of Ashley's fun and games


PLUS LEDLEY and Woody's prospective job share at Spurs

• Read Friday's Hatchet job here

Yes, he was an outstanding captain of England. So too was Bobby Moore and he was hopeless as a manager.

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'One day Shearer will manage Newcastle,' says Kevin Keegan. That one day might well come soon, the way Keegan has begun his latest's Newcastle reign.

But how about Shearer actually goes and learns the trade first, comes off the sofa and gets his hands dirty, rather than just walking into a job because he scored a few goals and lives up the road?

Southampton, where he first made his name as a player, need a manager. Go on, Al, dare you. Let's find out if you can actually do the job in mid-table in the Championship.

Because, let's face it, it would be no loss to the BBC. Shearer makes Martin Keown seem fascinating.

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Ashley Cole can sleep with whoever he likes and whenever he wants. It's up to him what he gets up to when he's finished throwing up.

But, remember first, he is a footballer, a professional athlete and then read these comments from his wife, Cheryl, about his recent romp with a hairdresser.

"I know Ashley intimately; when he's under the influence, he isn't capable,'" she told the News of the World. "He told me 'something happened last night, but I was so drunk that I didn't know what'. All he could remember is his friends leaving him upstairs with this girl and she was putting a bucket under his head, looking after him.

"His mates said that the girl was going into the kitchen and getting cloths to clean up after him because he was totally out of it.

"I don't want anybody to be angry with Ashley or to judge him, that's my job as his wife."

You have to wonder how all that will go down with the new hard-line manager of the England team, who might also feel it is his job to judge.

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The injury-prone Woodgate and the injury-prone King at Tottenham. Are they going to be doing a job share?

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Meanwhile, here is an extract from an interview with Jonathan Woodgate, published in September 2006.

"My father's a fan, my family are fans, my friends are fans and I'm a fan. Ask Alan Shearer, ask Jamie Carragher, Steven Gerrard – he didn't go to Chelsea – ask them about playing for your hometown team. I'm no different. It's in the blood. I'm a Boro fan, I love Middlesbrough and the dream has always been to play for Middlesbrough."

For the next instalment: Kissing the badge at Tottenham and "why I always wanted to be the next Gary Mabbutt".

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Anyone else bothered by the recent trend of stopping and starting in the run-up to taking a penalty, like Ronaldo against Tottenham? Referees should order a re-take.

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Welcome to our section for people with too much time on their hands starring those responsible for the following survey into which Premier League footballer men would sleep with, if they had to.

Fernando Torres won with 35 per cent of the vote.

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One voter said: "He's more attractive than my last girlfriend." This is obviously someone who needs to get out more.

The rest finished in this order:

2. Jermaine Jenas

3. Roque Santa Cruz

4. David James

5. Theo Walcott

6. Nani

7. Ricardo Carvalho

8. Shaun Wright Phillips

9. Kaka

10. Jeremy Aliadiere

How the hell did Santa Cruz not win? Err, anyway... there's no place for Ashley Cole, I see. Maybe it's just the scrubbers who fancy him.

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Worst tackle of the weekend was Robert Huth's straight foot, high kicking follow-through at Mansfield, like a move from a Bruce Lee flick. He was booked, so the FA can't act retrospectively.

What a ridiculous rule. Made, obviously, by people in suits who have never been kicked like that.

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They said: "People have mentioned Owen Hargreaves, who went abroad and played at Bayern Munich. If more (England players) went abroad and played in Spain, Italy and Germany, they would bring back more of that tactical nous." - Frank Lampard

They meant: "Come and get me wherever you end up, Jose."

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