WHAT we learnt about the Reds: Torres dives, Rafa can win a match and Crouch is a better sub than starter


KAKA needs to watch out against Arsenal's lumpers


BUNGLING Kaboul's Spurs exit will hardly be a McSurprise

Here's what we learned about Liverpool last night:

• Fernando Torres falls over too easily.
• Javier Mascherano is an excellent, tidy holding midfielder. If you can't see that, you don't know football (even if £17m is still a little pricey).
• Dirk Kuyt is a clever player, even if he doesn't score enough goals. Everyone used to say that about Peter Beardsley, Kuyt is a similar player.

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• Sami Hyypia is well past his best and his presence unsettles Jamie Carragher and Pepe Reina.
• Steven Gerrard scores great goals under pressure (Olympiacos, West Ham, AC Milan, Inter Milan). Hope it shakes him from his recent slumber.
• Peter Crouch scares defenders but makes a better sub than starter.
• Liverpool's players played for their manager when he had his back to the wall. It's good to see.
• Rafa Benitez can win a European game, but he can't beat Barnsley and his team are fifth in the Premier League.
• They are consistently inconsistent, which is why they are 19 points behind Arsenal. And why he has to go, even if it ends up being the Reds in Russia at the end of the season.

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When Drogba, Ronaldo or Adebayor do it, it's called diving. When Torres does it, it's called giving him the benefit of the doubt. Nonsense. He collapsed under little pressure at Anfield last night and, while there is an obvious pantomime villain in Marco Materazzi (sent off three times in one season at Everton), let's not turn a blind eye when it suits us. Torres cheated. He should be condemned.

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Just like with Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira's lack of impact from the bench on the Liverpool versus Inter game is further evidence that Arsene Wenger normally gets it right when judging if a player is past his best.

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Fergie has had a moan about William Gallas escaping an FA charge for kicking out at Nani and accused Arsenal of preferential treatment. For once, the old grizzler is right.

The FA want a clampdown on swearing but what does this tell us? It's okay to go lumping flair players. What do Arsenal have in store for the wonderful Kaka tonight? Watch your shins, son.

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Craig Doyle (that bloke who used to do the travel on the BBC) is the new face of ITV football.

The ladies like him, Hatchet Man is told, and he has a twinkle in his eye (if you like that sort of thing), so we'll give him a chance and see if he's got the chat as well as the charm. If it keeps the missus quiet while we get to watch another game on another night, maybe it's the way forward.

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The Chelsea fan who rang Ray Stubbs on 6-0-6 on Tuesday night and then didn't think it was his place to have an opinion. "It's not my job to have an opinion on the team, that's the manager's job," he repeated twice. What a lemon.

All that rescued the moment was a clearly agitated Stubbs telling the fan, who was still stuck in the snow-covered stadium in Greece: "Hope you enjoy your time standing in an empty stadium, goodbye." Better than the sycophantic love-in that comes when the pathetic (Chelsea fan) Tim Lovejoy is manning the phones.

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The latest "I'll Get My Coat" moment from a dopey footballer sees Tottenham defender Younes Kaboul on the Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink diet, pictured in McDonald's at the weekend.

Given that his new boss has got the whole squad losing weight, including banning the meaty Tom Huddlestone from slapping ketchup over his chicken, maybe Kaboul might soon be appearing at a McDonald's near another club.

Was he trying to stick two (fish) fingers up at Juande Ramos and his new regime? It was a golden goof under the golden arches, or - to put it another way - another mistake from a Tottenham defender.

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On goalkeepers: lots of comments yesterday on West Ham's Robert Green, who seems to Hatchet to be a solid goalkeeper, but how many match-saving stops does he make and is he imposing enough?

I'd place him below David James and Ben Foster (when fit), but above Joe Hart, Chris Kirkland, Scott Carson and the shot-to-pieces Paul Robinson.

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Here's what Fabio Capello said in his preview to the Chelsea game in Greece. "It's a huge boost to have Frank Lampard and John Terry back." Here's what he said next about Lampard: "Lampard's goals are so important to Chelsea."

Here's what he said next about Terry... He said nothing. Hardly an endorsement for the man who appears to be the ex-England captain. Anyone shedding any tears? The clock is ticking on his England career.