High fives at Royal Bank of Scotland at the deal struck by new chief exec Stephen Hester with the Government. The City is agog at the payment of £6.5 billion to insure £325 billion of toxic rubbish. How much of the stuff will actually turn out to be worthless?

City Spy understands that around half is the likely proportion. Of particular concern are the assets that were underwritten by the US monoline insurers. They are feeling the strain and are going to be in no position to pay up. What number are we talking about? “Oh, £100 billion worth, according to RBS's negative basis book',” says City Spy's man with sight of the red ink. That should comfortably provide the bulk of the coming write-off.

The taxpayer, to use City parlance, has been well and truly stuffed.

Crosby won't take Express job

Can City Spy put to bed one of the more fanciful stories of recent days? Speculation has suggested that ex-HBOS chief Sir James Crosby, who has come under such fire for his role in the credit crisis that he had to resign as deputy chairman of the Financial Services Authority, is being teed up to take the vacant chair at National Express. Asked whether he was serious about hiring Crosby, National Express chief executive Richard Bowker told City Spy: “He is not on the shortlist and I have never met the guy.”

* Seperately, City Spy hears whispers of a split on the National Express board, with non-executives pushing for the executives to have lower bonuses. Of particular concern was how the awards might play with a public having to contend with higher fares and struggling services...

* So what was the verdict of Liberty International chairman Patrick Burgess after the property company, owner of Covent Garden and Earls Court, reported losses of £2.66 billion for last year? “We are not immune to market stresses.” That's one way of putting it.

BBC salaries under scrutiny

Bad news for those BBC managers hoping to keep their accounts away from the prying eyes of Westminster. The new Comptroller and Auditor General, Whitehall's chief accounts checker, has told MPs he thinks the Corporation should let Parliament see its books. The BBC has long argued that it need not be completely open to MPs about what it does with licence payers' money but Amyas Morse, at his confirmation hearing in the Commons, agreed with Labour MP Don Touhig that full transparency is now required. After grilling the bankers, MPs may be eager to ask pointed questions about Beeb bonuses...

* Even in the crunch, there are still people daft enough to pour money down the drain. Craig Zucker, a New York entrepreneur, has started selling bottled tap water, “Tap'd NY. Purified New York City tap water”, for $1.50 a pop. He promotes the drink as the environmental choice — “It doesn't require energy or pumping and it's so pure and clean,” he says. The water comes from a tap in a Brooklyn warehouse that he rents, where he runs up a water bill of about $2 for every 750 gallons — and has so far sold 50,000 bottles...

Starbucks falls and Coke rises?

City Spy has heard a fascinating explanation for why sales of Starbucks are tailing off. It's because people seeking a caffeine hit are trading down to a can of Coca-Cola which is about half the price.

Coca-Cola executives are seeing sales rise and their private research suggests some of that is a direct effect of consumers ditching Starbucks for the cheaper option. Now that's an interesting theory to try on Howard Schultz, the irascible boss of Starbucks, who says the sales of his coffee are down because the British economy is in such a mess.

* Beanz Meanz Heinz. This year's UK sales of the iconic green tins were up by 21% compared with last year. But the equally famous side-effects of their products seem to be affecting Heinz's head honchos in the US, who explode into corporate-speak, referring to the result of “pantry deloading” on their finances. Pantry deloading? That's squeezing an extra few squirts out of a ketchup bottle in plain English.

* Reading British American Tobacco's final results statement is almost surreal. Here's a big company raking in lots of money, raising its dividend and not sacking anyone. Says spokesman Michael Prideaux: “This company makes things and sells them.” A novel approach. Will it catch on?

From Rio to Beckenham for pizza man

City Spy's item on the mysterious past of Domino's pizza boss Chris Moore — he says he spent his “formative years” in Rio de Janeiro, “for a 17-year-old boy to be in Rio at that time, I think you can safely say I was spoilt, without going into too much detail,” prompts a reader's memory. “The day after Moore was offered the job with Domino's back in 1990 he was driving through Beckenham in south London mulling over his future. He executed a Brazilian driving manoeuvre' and managed to knock a pizza delivery moped driver off his machine and break his leg...The unfortunate young man did not work for Domino's but the opposition.”

* Moore, it seems, “was also threatened with being burned out by The Mob in Brazil when he tried to start a club there”.

* And Moore “dresses up as Marilyn Monroe for his staff.”

* British Gas's attempt to become the first household energy supplier to cut prices this year foxed many used to the old state monopoly moving far more slowly. Figures just out now reveal the real reason. During 2008, the number of customers taking their gas from British Gas slumped to an all-time low of 9.5 million customers —500,000 fewer than at the start of the year. That means British Gas's market share has halved over the last decade, to 43.5%.

* A big, fat raspberry to RSA Insurance chief executive Andy Haste who brags about the company's financial strength, ups the dividend, reports rising profits and sales, predicts that 2009 will be a great year... oh, and also says he'll sack 1200 people in the UK. That's 14% of the total he employs in Britain and looks unnecessarily brutal. Haste said the UK arm needs restructuring. Maybe it does, but in the interests of common decency, why bang on about how well you are doing at the same time as you turn so many people's lives upside down? Fact: Haste was paid £1.9 million last year.