ONE group of businesses to have been on the receiving end of official wrath over the credit crunch are the rating agencies.

If only they'd been doing their jobs properly, it is claimed, then banks would not have been able to justify ploughing into US subprime mortgages and UK investors, including local councils, would not have been so exposed to the travails of Iceland. It will be interesting, therefore, to see how the Government deals with the threat of Standard & Poor's, Moody's and Fitch raising their game and, er, downgrading UK government debt.

At present the UK is rated Triple-A. But for how long? Yesterday, S&P switched its UK outlook to negative. Which, though, will have the nerve to go the whole hog and trim its UK sovereign debt rating? All eyes are on Fitch, which was the first to mark down Japan, when that country was drowning under a sea of dodgy loans and trying to combat a weakened economy in 1998.

It's a tough call: consign the UK to bankruptcy and incur the wrath of its government or do nothing and stand accused of displaying the same complacency that brought about the credit crunch.

* LAST year, stockbroker Blue Oar bid for WH Ireland, only for its takeover to be rejected as new backers came in as white knights. WHI then bid for Blue Oar, only to be scotched at the last minute by Blue Oar's controlling shareholder Evolve Capital.

Then, this month, Evolve bought a big stake in Blue Oar from two of its disenchanted former management team and said it was keen to be "benefiting from" consolidation in the sector, words seen as a signal that another bid may be on the way.

Cue a huge surge in the share price. This week, Evolve sold its holding and issued a statement crowing how it's made a profit of £416,000 in just three weeks. The shares sank. Evolve's nominated adviser, Adam Hart, says: "It is not illegal or dodgy. It might be said to be opportunistic by some." He adds: "There is no way any of my clients would do any sort of ramp-and-dump operation." City Spy hears the FSA is taking an interest.

Booted out – but fired with enthusiasm

THE CV of the latest Sir Alan Sugar wannabe to get the axe from The Apprentice has found its way into City Spy's hands. The skills of Belfast braggart Ben Clarke apparently stretch from working as a Gavin Henson lookalike (seriously) to playing the bagpipes — he lists among his proudest achievements becoming pipe major of his school band.
Clarke, who has now been fired twice in his life — from stockbroker Brewin Dolphin for boasting about going on the show and then by Sugar for betting his team could shift £2000 rocking horses — also mentions among his interests, “investing £2500 in wine” and holding dinner parties. Among the other highlights: the scholarship he didn't take up at Sandhurst and the masters degree in banking and finance he never finished. Sugar was unimpressed.
“I was in the Jewish Lads' Brigade, Stamford Hill Division, trainee bugler, but it didn't make me sell computers when I got older,” the entrepreneur growled as he kicked him out.

* CLARKE writes of his appearance on The Apprentice: “We literally had to invent new products, design them, get them built and then take them to market, and that is just the tip of the iceberg.” He goes on: “I firmly believe that after this experience, I have the skills to thrive in any environment.”

Smut stripped of its value...

TOUGH times in the world of “adult” publishing. The late Paul Raymond's empire, which still dominates the top shelf with such titles as Men Only and Razzle, lost £166,205 last year, compared with a profit of £1.4 million a year earlier off turnover which slumped from £11.3 million to £10.4 million. Paul Raymond Publications has been hit badly by the internet and lads' mags. Given his recent death and his heirs' increasing focus on property in Soho and Notting Hill rather than porn, how long until his descendants ditch the smut altogether?

* CITY Spy describing Richard Steer, senior partner at surveyors Gleeds as a “wag”, after he joked that the UK building industry was being killed by the recession and it was better to work in Iraq, has caused confusion. Said one young Gleeds staffer in all seriousness: “But he isn't a wife or girlfriend...”

* GORDON Ramsay isn't happy. Yes, City Spy was right to say his Royal Hospital Road restaurant was empty at 2pm during the Chelsea Flower Show. But that's because the place has an early, noon, sitting for Flower Show visitors and then it was packed. He said a lot more than that but some words have had to be deleted.

* FELIX Dennis has come over all poetic again. Here is the latest offering from the chairman of Dennis Publishing, entitled Ordure on the Farm, to the tune of Old MacDonald Had a Farm:
All our MPs had a farm — spouting all day long,
And on that farm they had some pigs — let's all sing their song:
With an oink-oink here,
And a flip-flip there,
Here an oink, there a flip — now I own a second-home!
We all work so jolly hard — we've done nothing wrong.
Hear hear!

Mr Stinker ran the farm — shouting all day long,
Order! Order in the Sty — let's all sing our song:
With an oink-oink here,
And a nudge-nudge there,
Here an oink, there a nudge — thicken up the whitewash!
We all work so jolly hard — we've done nothing wrong.
Hear hear!
Then the landlords of the farm—absent for so long,
Turfed those lazy piggies out — let's all sing their song:
With an oink-oink here,
And sob-sob there,
Here an oink, there a sob — go and get a proper job!
We don't care how hard you work — learning right from wrong.

Hear hear!
Oink-oink!