An otherwise interesting and enjoyable lunchtime seminar session on “long finance”, hosted at the Lime Street offices of risk manager and insurance broker Willis, was marred by a couple of bizarre interventions from Ian Harris, managing director of Z/Yen Group. That's right, Z/Yen — the “City of London's leading think-tank”, don't you know?

Harris took on the role of community song leader, cajoling the 400 or so present into singing some appalling financially slanted pastiches of perfectly respectable vaudeville classics. To the tune of My Old Man, a reluctant audience was asked to open its vocal chords and yak: “My fund man/Said borrow and plan,/So don't fret/when you run up some debt'.”

A second interlude of sub-juvenile forced jollity involved an equally crass parody of Home on the Range.

Harris conducted his reluctant choristers with a red-feather baton.

This prompted one of those present — former Roxy Music musician Brian Eno, who also happens to be co-founder of the Long Now Foundation charity — to say to Harris: “Don't give up your day job.”

... but talks hit the right note

The actual discussions, under the banner of Long Finance: Enduring Value, were engaging and thoughtful.

After initial problems with his microphone, Brian Eno set things up effectively for impressive presentations by his Long Now Foundation colleagues, Stewart Brand and Alexander Rose.

Brand remarked on our collective dismal failure to think and plan over the long term. He excluded, though, Warren Buffett, who has wagered $1 million with Protégé Partners (a major player in the US hedge fund industry) that the S&P index of US equities will outperform an index of hedge funds over the decade to the end of 2017.
So far, said Brand, according to the latest data available, the hedge funds are winning.

Andy's labours recognised at last by Mongolian award

Our Special Trade Representative Prince Andrew has nobly endured a lot of silly name-calling over the years — “Randy Andy”, “Air Miles Andy” and so on.

In fact, he has selflessly criss-crossed the world, to shoot geese with former communist Central Asian despots and hob-nob in rogue states, generally oiling the wheels of British business abroad with little reward and much criticism.

So it is with great pleasure that City Spy can report that the grand young Duke of York is at least appreciated in far off Ulan Bator, where the Mongolian government has awarded him the coveted Golden Gerege for his work there.

Mongolian president Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj presented the prize to HRH at Davos at the weekend for ”his contribution toward publicising” the little-known Asian country. The Gerege, of course, was an ancient Mongolian tablet authorising the holder to travel around the sprawling land. And in Mongolia a Golden Gerege is just about as high as it gets…

Water bills trickle in

Retired bus driver Leonard Graham was livid to get a United Utilities water bill — for 1p. Graham, 63, said he went to the post office to pay his annual water bill of £327.65 in cash. However, he lost 1p on the way so could only pay £327.64… He expected the missing penny to be added on to next year's bill but was staggered when he got a reminder from the water company. Graham said: “It's ridiculous. The postage and paper would have cost more than a penny. When I opened it I thought: These people can't be for real.' I have never been late on a payment before. You pay money to these people year after year and then they write to you and ask for 1p.”

A United Utilities spokesman said: “We are sorry if this was upsetting for Mr Graham. These reminders are generated automatically if there is any amount outstanding on the account. We have cleared the account and will call Mr Graham to apologise for any inconvenience.”

Accountants dream of saving the world

Schroders funds whizz Andy Brough teamed up with Killik Capital chairman Paul Kavanagh for Jazz in the City, an hour mixing business with music on Jazz FM. Brough won't be causing Jeremy Paxman many sleepless nights. “I was wondering,” Brough tickled Ian Powell, boss of PricewaterhouseCoopers, with, “do you think if there had been a lot more accountants around, we wouldn't have actually had this banking crisis, if we'd had more people sort of adding up the numbers?” Er, like Enron, Andy?

Siemens' Annual General Feast

AGMs are meant to give investors a chance to quiz the board. But they're now also freebie food extravaganzas. At last week's Siemens gathering in Munich, the organisers laid on 60,000 pastries and salty snacks, 10,000 portions of Munich leberkäs — a sort of Spam usually served in a roll — veal patties and wraps filled with basil cream cheese and smoked salmon, 12,000 litres of cold drinks and 20,000 cups of coffee. It was dispensed by 50 cooks, 320 catering staff and 40 kitchen assistants.

Luke Johnson takes time off to talk

Luke Johnson, demob-happy after stepping down as Channel 4 chairman, was musing on BBC Radio 4 about the romantic woes of footballer John Terry and golfer Tiger Woods. “I guess sport isn't a very busy career,” said Johnson. “How do they find the time?”

Johnson also underlined his no-nonsense approach to running a business by revealing that he banned chauffeur-driven cars as soon as he arrived at the broadcaster. The last C4 executive to have a chauffeur, said Johnson, was the “esteemed director-general of the BBC” — a reference to Mark Thompson, Channel 4's boss until 2004.

American expats want Obama refund

What do the legions of Americans in London who donated to Barack Obama's election campaign — by a margin of around 6-1 over Republican rival John McCain — think of the President now he has been in office for a year? One Obama donor tells City Spy: “I give him a C minus.”