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Evening Standard column

Sebastian Shakespeare

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Let's have an England boss on a modest crust

Here we go again. The national soap opera that is football has taken another comical turn for the worse

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Tax avoidance diddles us all - bonuses don't

The public appetite for banker bashing knows no bounds. First Stephen Hester is hounded by politicians to waive his bonus

The Olympics should be no place for ethics

Will Britain win a gold medal for the most ethical Olympics ever? That is as likely as Boris Johnson being reincarnated as Coroebus, the naked runner and first Olympic champion in 776 BC

Let Sir Fred Goodwin keep his title - for what it's worth

The moral crusade against Fred Goodwin has raised its sanctimonious head again. Why should Fred the Shred be robbed of his knighthood? He has not committed any criminal offence, as far as we know. His undoing was a hubristic business deal which went calamitously wrong. The 2007 decision to buy ABN-Amro and load RBS with debt was a case of monumental bad timing.

Unhappiness? Children today have never had it so good

Blimey. They are meant to be the best days of your life. But according to a new Church- backed survey, apparently more than half a million children in the UK are unhappy

Just give socks and spare me shopping pain

Have you done your Christmas shopping yet? Like most men, I normally leave it to the last minute, with often dire consequences

Poets are mad to bash the bankers who fund them

First the Tate gallery says it is considering its 20-year sponsorship deal with BP -which expires next year -because of ongoing environmental protests. Then this week two poets, John Kinsella and Alice Oswald, withdrew their names from the TS Eliot Prize awarded by the Poetry Book Society because it is sponsored by Aurum, which is - horror of horrors! - an investment firm. Can institutions and individuals afford to be so high-minded in these austere times? With the cuts in government funding to the arts, who else is going to make good the shortfall?

Let the elderly have all the sex they want

Never mind the economic recession. What about the sexual recession?

In times like these, we need a good swear

It's the f***ing issue du jour. Swearing, that is. No longer is the four-letter word just a cultural battleground: it has become a signifier of good health

If you don't get a card from me it isn't personal

Christmas is no longer the season to be cheerful. Tis the season to be fearful of whom to send (or not to send) Christmas cards

Now that times are hard again, I hanker for Margaret Thatcher

It is astonishing what a long shadow Margaret Thatcher continues to cast 21 years after she stood down as PM

The Olympic spirit of taking us all for a ride

As if we sports agnostics haven't suffered enough. Next year's Olympics are already going to cause huge traffic congestion, lights out in West End theatres, a security nightmare and an orgy of nauseating self-congratulation

A referendum is the first step to mob rule

Beware Greeks bearing gifts of democracy, otherwise known as referenda

Don't knock 'slackers', that's how we work

Somebody has to do it. The time has come to stand up for geriatrics. If the old are not being told how lucky they are because of their final salary pensions and careers for life, they are being urged to downsize and make way for the young

Don't bring the curtain down for the Games

How do you solve a problem like the Olympics? Lord Lloyd-Webber has served notice that he is thinking of closing his Really Useful theatres for two weeks while the Olympic Games are on next year

The male bond is the real victim of the Fox affair

Why can't a man have a close friendship with another man 16 years his junior? Why should it be so "unlikely"? Why can't a married man have a male friend to stay overnight at home while his wife is stranded by a volcanic ash cloud? Stop sniggering at the back

Never trust a lord who asks you for money

Everybody loves a lord. Just look at all those hapless people taken in by Eddie Davenport, the playboy conman

Don't trust polls that place us below the Poles

Talk about unfortunate timing. Just seven days ago David Cameron was putting the Great back into Britain and trumpeting our country's virtues. Now we learn that the quality of life in Britain is the worst in Europe

It grates when we crow about great Britain

Is Britain broken or great? Yes, I'm confused too. In a very different tone to his dire warnings about the global economy, David Cameron has found time this week to launch a new tourism drive under the brand Great Britain

MPs should leave the jokes to the comedians

We all want our politicians to have a sense of humour - especially in these dark days - but surely the least we can expect is that they err on the right side of crassness and vulgarity

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