Tonight:
4°c
No doubt about the rumpus of the week. Just as Sir Alex Ferguson was snarling "pathetic" at questions about Cristiano Ronaldo going to Real Madrid, Lazio were attacking United for stealing Federico Macheda.
Their president, Claudio Lotito, accused United of turning football into "a cattle market" by "practically buying" the boy's parents.
Fans of both clubs will get wound up about all this, but for the rest of us, it's just noise. The conduct of most football transfers is at best immoral and at worst corrupt. Agents make their money by moving players on, and most footballers are mere mercenaries devoid of any loyalty whatsoever, so why bother. It's pointless.
Nor will wise heads get too excited about Macheda and his goal, good though it was. I remember a teenager scoring a wonder goal for Arsenal a few years back and all the hype that followed. Name of Arturo Lupoli. Now he is plying his trade in the Championship with Sheffield United.
Back to Ronaldo, who had the grace to mutter, albeit not very convincingly, "I think this is the right club for me."
As ringing endorsements go, this one hardly registered on the Richter scale, though it might be the wisest thing he's ever said, because he won't win anything with Real the way that squad are performing.
A team are bigger than any individual, however talented, as Ronaldo is finding out to his cost captaining struggling Portugal.
His country's chances of qualifying for the World Cup, Ronaldo or no Ronaldo, are on a par with West Brom winning the Premier League.
Lazio's complaints will be grist to the mill of UEFA's Michel Platini. He won't care about Real Madrid threatening their fragile finances yet further by making a silly bid for Ronaldo, but, on past form, he won't be able to resist a rant about child exploitation in Macheda's case.
But why shouldn't Macheda's parents do their best for the lad? And being at Manchester United is undeniably better for him than staying with Lazio.
In these days of free movement of labour throughout the EU, why shouldn't youngsters be recruited from all over Europe into Premier League academies, something Arsenal have been doing with conspicuous success for years?
The only place it isn't working is Chelsea, where John Terry will be the only homegrown product on display at Anfield tonight.
And that's because, I suspect, Chelsea managers, who know their tenure may be brief, would rather pay millions for an established player, than take time they may not have developing a talent from the academy. It would be no surprise if Chelsea's youth coaches became disillusioned.
*The Stamford Bridge rumour mill has been working overtime this week. Apparently Roman Abramovich's love of Chelsea is not as great as his fear of Vladimir Putin, so Guus Hiddink is to go back, full time, to Russia, with love of course.
The players apparently want Jose Mourinho back, but that's too big a pill for Abramovich to swallow.
Why? An acknowledgement that he was wrong to get rid of the Portuguese would go down well with the fans but that's not Abramovich's game. He's a rich man, the club are nothing more than his plaything, and us fans don't matter a tuppenny stuff.
I'm a big fan of Hamilton but obeying orders is no excuse
I yield to no one in my admiration for Lewis Hamilton, and the wise guidance he has always seemed to receive from dad Anthony, but neither of them emerges with any credit from the Australian Grand Prix.
The plain fact is Lewis lied. And Anthony does himself no good by claiming Lewis was merely following orders. The concentration camp guard's defence, as such claims are known, cuts no mustard with me.
And as for Anthony saying Lewis's contract precluded him from defying the instruction, no employer has a contractual right to demand his employee lie.
Any contract with such a provision would be struck out as null and void by the courts.
As I say, Lewis lied, and Anthony didn't stop him, and the sooner they own up to that, the sooner we can all move on. And the Hamiltons can start the painful process of rebuilding Lewis's tarnished reputation, as not just a hugely talented but also a properly motivated young man.
As for McLaren, they believe in the old BBC principle, that when there's trouble, “assistant heads must roll”. Axing Dave Ryan, as they did last night, is a start.
But what about his boss Martin Whitmarsh? How can he avoid blame? And after the Ferrari secrets affair, it's hard not to see McLaren as ethically challenged.
The best thing McLaren can do now is withdraw from this season's competition, where they haven't a prayer, regroup both technically and morally, and come back stronger than ever under new leadership next season.
My umbrage over Fab's Umbro deal
*I admire Fabio Capello but how come, with the Football Association paying him £6million a year, he still needs money from Umbro? Shouldn't the FA have put a clause in his contract that precludes him from taking other paid employment?
How much cash does the England manager need, for god's sake? It diminishes him and makes the FA look foolish.
*The Football League's 20-point deduction
on Luton Town, and the FA's 10, should have been made concurrent, as I suggested at the time.
This would have given the Hatters a good chance of staying up, which, on this season's performances, they richly deserve.
Toon's shear fallacy
The pathetic fallacy is the belief animals have human feelings. Football has a variant of it, the equally absurd conviction that great players automatically make great managers. As a rule they don't.
The best managers were often pretty mediocre as players, viz Sir Alex Ferguson, Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger. Diego Maradonna's Argentina got thumped 6-1 by Bolivia last week, a national humiliation on a par with England shipping six against Iceland. Don't fancy his chances of survival, do you?
And, surprise surprise, Alan Shearer came a cropper against Chelsea first time out. What amazed me is that everyone accepted Shearer just took the job because of his love for the club.
Of course he was fiercely loyal to Newcastle as a player, but don't let's pretend the reported £2 million he's said to command is irrelevant. I bet cash played a large part in his decision, and why not?
